Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm a parent to a nearly 19 year old ASD young man. He's dropped out of education, won't engage with life, job searches etc. I suspect he's depressed and have spoken to the GP about this. The GP can do nothing unless my son seeks help for himself. He won't engage with friends, never leaves the house, promises to apply for jobs/apprenticeships etc but lacks the initiative to do so. His behaviour towards us, his parents has got worse and worse. He speaks to us like we're something he'd wipe off the bottom of his shoe, or walks away when we're trying to speak to him. He knows he is loved unconditionally and we're not going to throw him out, so he can get away with anything, right? How can we encourage him to get help/engage/be nice?
He should not be feeling pressure to get a job, he might not be able to ever cope with a job. Instead encourage him in his special interests for example does he like music, or Star Trek? or lego. Then see if there is a career he could follow with regards to that special interest. Sometimes though it is impossible for autistics to work and it is too stressful. so take the pressure off him. i would suggest offering for an autistic specialist to talk to him.
The more pressure you put on him I am afraid the worst he will become, because he will be feeling stressed and unable to cope. Let him talk about his special interest and let him be alone and quiet for a while and calm down his environment.
We are autistics, not neurotypicals. for neurotypicals jobs and friends are important. For some autistics a friend or two might do for us, but there are lots of autistics who dont like socialising, at all. That is NORMAL for us and we can be happy on our own.
What you are doing to him is the same as an if the roles were reversed, and he was encouraging you not to work and stay in a quiet room focusing on one interest or two and telling you not to see friends or socialise. You if your neurotypical (not autistic) would feel isolated and upset. try to see it from his world.
I would tell him about this site and he might feel happy to pop on here and chat to all his fellow autistics, he might find some support on here.