Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm a parent to a nearly 19 year old ASD young man. He's dropped out of education, won't engage with life, job searches etc. I suspect he's depressed and have spoken to the GP about this. The GP can do nothing unless my son seeks help for himself. He won't engage with friends, never leaves the house, promises to apply for jobs/apprenticeships etc but lacks the initiative to do so. His behaviour towards us, his parents has got worse and worse. He speaks to us like we're something he'd wipe off the bottom of his shoe, or walks away when we're trying to speak to him. He knows he is loved unconditionally and we're not going to throw him out, so he can get away with anything, right? How can we encourage him to get help/engage/be nice?
The problem is, that you probably should throw him out. This behaviour is going to keep spiralling until he starts acting like an adult.
Your son is me at 19. I was stealing money from my parents, drinking 3L of cider a day, doing pretty much nothing with my life except self destructing. Then one day my mother forced me in the car, took me to the council offices and told them to find me a flat because she was making me homeless. That one thing saved my life, although it took me about 10 years to reach that point of realisation and in between that i almost ended up in jail and dead at one point. But that is part of life. It's what you do after the realisation.
You have to help your son to help himself. If that means you throw him out, then that is just how it is. You won't stop loving him, but until he learns how to treat others properly, you can't allow him to treat you badly. Some lessons are just going to be hard to learn. But that's part of the natural migration from child to adult. If you don't do something it will get worse and ultimately you won't help him, he will get worse to the point where maybe he does end up institutionalised, either in a hospital or prison.
Depression isn't an excuse as it is treatable.