Published on 12, July, 2020
Not been on here for a while. I had a bad experience and was given a non diagnosis.......then i was diagnosed by a private clinician, who was very decent. Anyway.....
So, a year on and I still struggle with my diagnosis and dont mention it because people just dont get it do they?. I dont mention to anyone i am autistic/aspergers. I do have many add traits too and im in the system for that but i dont really care to be honest.....anyway....im doing very well. I am given lots of space and my family understand me a little better. Im in a good place. I hardly drink as much now because i was self medicating quite alot.....
I hope everyone is good and for people on the journey, I wish you the best and even if the NHS let you fown, dont give up and trust your gut because they aint always right!
Excellent to hear your news. That is all positive Ind - Man. I am really happy for you. Great to see someone posting in my language about stuff I get. Thank you. Its been a bit "meh" for me at best in NAS recently, but you popping back up with life to report has resonated with me in a positive way.
I feel, very you. I managed to "bosh the booze" "self-medication" "issue" in a very autistic way. I stopped. Very interesting on so many levels, and having a clear head to listen to yourself, is a good thing - albeit rather depressing. Getting help from others in this regard is difficult if you are autistic (generally) .... but I was lucky and determined.
I stopped drinking when I realised that I was autistic. I knew I had to do that to take my own thoughts seriously, and reassure others that I knew what I was talking about, with a clear head. That makes all the difference. You still have to endure yourself, but with familiarity comes acceptance and calm.
It is encouraging to see us still wanting to share our journeys with each other. Positive. Community.
Kindest regards
Number.
Its tough though isnt it? I 100% get what you mean in regards to the drinking. I think i was really kidding myself...... I didnt actually realise that i was masking......even to myself.....
I was basically pretending to be something i wasn't and alcohol was enabling me to be something I didnt want to be......someone i was ashamed of. I just wanted to fit in basically. So when i realised this.....it was quite difficult to process the fact i was hiding from my true self......now, thats a bit of a mind melter haha i often wonder how i did this without myself knowing but......its all trauma for me personally. Just wanting to be 'normal' and i guess alcohol helped me disguise the fact that.....im a bit weird haha but..... im ok with that now. I wasn't and i was kidding myself. Amazing what the ego does to preserve what you think you should be like......
Thanks for your reply. Great to hear people in similar situations
Yeah i got that as well. I wanted to shut my brain down after the day..... i find i ran on adrenaline alot to get thru the day and drank to stop that feeling.......then i would basically burn out and repeat the cycle.....and then it got so i running on empty
I also get that its nice to 'look in the mirror' so to speak coming to places like this. Especially when you think you are a lonely island and think you are the only one in the boat. Its refreshing to see others who have the same issues and struggles......and they can be overcome
The vast majority of my self-medication was solo. I don't (outwardly) struggle in many social situations to be honest - I have found my masks to be very robust, whether drunk or sober. I mainly drank to kill my brain a bit (or try too.) The most surprising thing (for me - when I got established sober) was just how very "the same" my life was - drinking or not drinking. The brain remains. The issues remain. Life, remains. Drunk or sober. Socially, it can definitely be easier with booze.....or else I can go pretty Zen - which is fine, but not exactly...well, sociable !
Being healthier is a good thing. Not spending money on mindless booze....is a good thing.
Allowing one's mind to explore sober (with all the horrors that that entails)....is a good thing.
Always being able to drive a care.....is a good thing.
Ego, disguise and alcohol are a dangerous trio, for sure. They are all very "blinding" conceptions.
NAS is good because it allows rando - autists, to catch a breath together....see a quick flash in the mirror, to remind each other that we're all basically on a similar path in a similar wood.
Sleep well.