Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi! I am a 40 year old woman and have recently been diagnosed with Autism. My struggles are with social interaction. I only have 1 friend and when in jobs I always end up in some kind of social drama with the various cliques. I don’t understand why people hate me so much as I try to be funny and nice, but something always happens. I have just started in a new position in a department I used to work in and arrived to find another colleague actually moving all her things out of the bay because she didn’t want to sit beside me. A year ago she was bullying another colleague and I stepped in and told her to stop. It seems it is related to that. I have been told I have an elevated sense of fairness and moral justice. I complained about this colleagues behaviour and now no one is speaking to me. This sort of thing has happened in other jobs. I have bought ear plugs to wear so I can’t hear the whispering and am avoiding everyone but I feel very lonely and hurt. The organisation I work for don’t know about my diagnosis, should I tell them? Also does anyone else have these problems in work?
I work from home in a role that doesn't require much teamwork for this very reason. I can't stand office politics. When I was younger I didn't know I was autistic and couldn't understand why I couldn't get on better with people. I distinctly remember a secretary refusing to prioritise an urgent task I had given her as she already had too much work to do that day so when I tried to explain as politely as I possibly could (in my mind at least) that it had to be in the post that evening so needed to be given priority and I would explain the situation to the person that had given her the other less important work (a senior partner), she reluctantly agreed, waited for me to leave the room then complained about me to her boss and left my work until the next day so it missed the deadline! Another time (same company though) I got reprimanded for something that wasn't my fault and I even warned them about it before I was forced to do the task the wrong way but, to add insult to injury, I was also being reprimanded by someone junior to me!! As I got older, I grew to just be quiet and polite and never speak up or get involved in anything I could avoid which helped reduce conflicts and allow people to perceive me as less of a threat but also made me miserable, a passive walk-over and stopped me achieving my full potential.
You should tell HR in strict confidence about your diagnosis. You shouldn't have to sit in a room every day wearing earplugs to drown out the sound of people who don't understand you!
Magrat said:I have been told I have an elevated sense of fairness and moral justice
This is quite common in ASD, I'm much the same. Although as I've seen on this forum, it doesn't extend very far, unfortunately.
Be aware of basic employment laws and your rights: https://www.acas.org.uk/. That's a good, free resource. If one person is persistently bullying, then you should report this to your manager.
In 2017 I had a managerial role and was sitting next to a particularly stupid bloke in his mid-50s (pretty sure he was undiagnosed ASD, too). He kept discriminating - blurting out religious prejudices and political prejudices (the usual ranting about leftists etc. from his brainwashed Daily Mail angle). People like that are utterly clueless about employment laws and office conduct. Once you flag it up, you can teach them an important life lesson.
Magrat said:I have bought ear plugs to wear so I can’t hear the whispering and am avoiding everyone but I feel very lonely and hurt.
Yes! These come in handy. Use earplugs.
As for whether to tell the business, that's up to you. Do you think they'll be fair about it? Are they a good employer? I mentioned it in my previous role and it helped clear up some issues.
Remember, there's The Equality Act 2010 there to protect your rights.
Some employers need reminding of that. It doesn't always work, sadly, as the Tories have made it increasingly difficult for employees to defend themselves, but it's better than nothing.