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Feeling lonely

EmsaStrange
8 months ago

I'm feeling quite frustrated with myself because I feel lonely. I'm 24, female, married, but don't have any friends at all. I work full-time and get on with everyone at work, but outside of work I don't have any friends, and I'm starting to feel alone. 

The difficulty is that I want to make friends but I don't like people (which sounds awful and weird), and I prefer my own company, but at the same time I like to still talk and have friends. 

I've had a friend group growing up but I feel like I've always been on the edge of it, like they don't like me or want to spend time with me. I never got invited to anything, always last choice to hang with, and I feel like this has carried into my adult years. 

I kind of feel stuck in this odd limbo of wanting friends but just can't get over the finding them, anxiety, stress, social situations, all that sort of stuff. I was diagnosed in 2021, it has helped explain why my brain works the way it does, but I do feel like I'm grieving all the things I missed out on because I didn't have the support I needed growing up.

Not sure what I'm asking for by posting this... maybe to make some friends? some tips/advice? 

Any insight/other perspectives would be helpful. :-) 

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  • 8 months ago

    Do you think this is something your partner would be willing to help you with?

    I don't want to give unsolicited advice or anything but what I could suggest is, if you haven't already, thinking about what you would want specifically from a friendship in terms of what feels right to you.

  • 8 months ago in reply to HMO

    Potentially, although I think he can struggle to understand how I'm feeling about these sorts of things. I'm friends with a couple of his friends, but I feel like it's based on association. 

    Thanks for the advice :-)

    I would have to think about it, I'm honestly not sure what a friendship would ideally be like for me. I can go months without talking to anyone, messaging, but still stay in touch. I just think I am worried that because of this people think I'm rude or a bad friend. 

    People are so hard to understand! Lol

  • 8 months ago in reply to EmsaStrange

    Yeah, I think it's largely about communication - I'll admit that I'd be the kind of person who, if I was friends with someone and they disappeared for months here and there, I'd be questioning where they stand. However, if we had a conversation about it and we promised to be open with each other if anything changes, then I wouldn't have an issue.

    Thinking about the things you like is a starting point at least, but also maybe whether the person energises you or drains you. You want someone who you feel you can easily talk to, if that makes sense.

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  • 8 months ago in reply to EmsaStrange

    Yeah, I think it's largely about communication - I'll admit that I'd be the kind of person who, if I was friends with someone and they disappeared for months here and there, I'd be questioning where they stand. However, if we had a conversation about it and we promised to be open with each other if anything changes, then I wouldn't have an issue.

    Thinking about the things you like is a starting point at least, but also maybe whether the person energises you or drains you. You want someone who you feel you can easily talk to, if that makes sense.

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