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Family Problems feeling sad :-(

Astrid
8 months ago

My relatives have always been not very nice to me since I was a child. 

I am feeling down because of it. 

They have said lots of hurtful things, and I always find myself trying harder and harder to be part of the wider family. 

I am a polite nice person. 

There has been gaslighting towards me and even belittling due to the fact that I do not own my home, in fact they turn their noses up at my cute little studio flat. 

One year I invited them all to my birthday celebrations in a small venue in that it would only cost each person the amount of a drink or cheap meal and would have been under £10 each, they are used to spending much more for a meal. But I thought the relaxed atmosphere would be nice. They all either declined or ignored me. 

My little cousin, who I always treated like a sister when growing up (I have no sisters or brothers so this was the next thing) is getting married, they got engaged a few years ago, but I only found out about the engagement just a few months ago. I now know that I have not been invited to the wedding but everyone else has apart from one other in the family who is not well off. I got upset, and said that I am sorry I did not send an engagement gift and that I will do so as a belated gift. Well I guess that is going to be a lot of money. But I will send it as I said I would. 

I just feel that they do not know that they are neurodiverse too but they do not seem to be empathic or have limited empathic abilities. the other relative (the one also left out) and myself are highly empathic so it hurts us a lot to be treated like this. 

I feel like nothing and feel that I am unloved by them. 

I have the other relative and I have an uncle who is nice and I have a lovely boyfriend so I am lucky there. 

But there is a huge gap in my life due to the way I was treated. 

There has been a live long moments of belittlement and bullying by words from them all at different points in my life from childhood to adulthood. I always wish and crave that one day they will be nice and not have any dramas anymore, or at least less dramas, and just be a proper family. 

Have you been through similar with family or friends? how do you cope? and any advice please. 

Thank you 

Hope you are well 

Parents
  • 8 months ago

    I've got a friend who moved back to my town and in the past wanted to meet me all the time.  One occasion she missed the train and thought I was in. Family member tried to explain I wasn't home and friend thought I was out for the day.

    In 2021 Family member banging onto me to find a job and forced me go to a job fair. I'd literally froze. Asked why I was crying and said out loud having dark thoughts. Nobody helped me. 

    In 2023, a relative had this idea to send me a cheque so I could do a hiking holiday (covid is still around); or do a residential training course. I'd declined it. Another occasion nearly forced me to do book binding. Then turned nasty saying forget we had this conversation and trying to plan for your future. I was crying and self harmed again. Listening services and my friends said they shouldn't of done this.

    Family members thought that the community group is just for retired people. Absolutely not as anyone can turn, women only and all ages. Now they've cotton on as its something I enjoy doing.

    My advice is to ignore them and carry on with your life. Least you got other family who understand.

    Hope this helps you. 

Reply
  • 8 months ago

    I've got a friend who moved back to my town and in the past wanted to meet me all the time.  One occasion she missed the train and thought I was in. Family member tried to explain I wasn't home and friend thought I was out for the day.

    In 2021 Family member banging onto me to find a job and forced me go to a job fair. I'd literally froze. Asked why I was crying and said out loud having dark thoughts. Nobody helped me. 

    In 2023, a relative had this idea to send me a cheque so I could do a hiking holiday (covid is still around); or do a residential training course. I'd declined it. Another occasion nearly forced me to do book binding. Then turned nasty saying forget we had this conversation and trying to plan for your future. I was crying and self harmed again. Listening services and my friends said they shouldn't of done this.

    Family members thought that the community group is just for retired people. Absolutely not as anyone can turn, women only and all ages. Now they've cotton on as its something I enjoy doing.

    My advice is to ignore them and carry on with your life. Least you got other family who understand.

    Hope this helps you. 

Children