Published on 12, July, 2020
My relatives have always been not very nice to me since I was a child.
I am feeling down because of it.
They have said lots of hurtful things, and I always find myself trying harder and harder to be part of the wider family.
I am a polite nice person.
There has been gaslighting towards me and even belittling due to the fact that I do not own my home, in fact they turn their noses up at my cute little studio flat.
One year I invited them all to my birthday celebrations in a small venue in that it would only cost each person the amount of a drink or cheap meal and would have been under £10 each, they are used to spending much more for a meal. But I thought the relaxed atmosphere would be nice. They all either declined or ignored me.
My little cousin, who I always treated like a sister when growing up (I have no sisters or brothers so this was the next thing) is getting married, they got engaged a few years ago, but I only found out about the engagement just a few months ago. I now know that I have not been invited to the wedding but everyone else has apart from one other in the family who is not well off. I got upset, and said that I am sorry I did not send an engagement gift and that I will do so as a belated gift. Well I guess that is going to be a lot of money. But I will send it as I said I would.
I just feel that they do not know that they are neurodiverse too but they do not seem to be empathic or have limited empathic abilities. the other relative (the one also left out) and myself are highly empathic so it hurts us a lot to be treated like this.
I feel like nothing and feel that I am unloved by them.
I have the other relative and I have an uncle who is nice and I have a lovely boyfriend so I am lucky there.
But there is a huge gap in my life due to the way I was treated.
There has been a live long moments of belittlement and bullying by words from them all at different points in my life from childhood to adulthood. I always wish and crave that one day they will be nice and not have any dramas anymore, or at least less dramas, and just be a proper family.
Have you been through similar with family or friends? how do you cope? and any advice please.
Thank you
Hope you are well
Slightly off topic
This what happened in 2020 before COVID was declared:
Used to have a meeting before started at the library where used to volunteer (now gone to pot); this unfortunate day it was cancelled at short notice due to sickness. I used to get very upset.
The administrator explained to me in person what happened. Also I'd emailed her to say thank you for explaining what happened.
Out of the bloom I had to attend a meeting as someone said we need to talk. Also I was told not to contact the young administrator as doesn't know what to do with the emails.
Afterwards I returned home, emailed the person saying this wasn't expected and no reply back. The reason was that there was an incident.
My shock horror was that the local charity went behind my back, told the board of directors that they're concerned about my welfare. Told the person to step back. Plus told me to get counselling.
Also the local charity CEO was going sign post me to another organisation (made up story);
I ending up making a GP appointment and asked me why do the local charity were concerned about my welfare? My reply was I don't know.
The person did this to me was someone I knew for a longtime.
Most of the charity staff left due to burn out. Now they got new staff members. One got suspended.
I did tell my friends and listening services what happend. Told me they shouldn't of done this.
Still go there despite haven't forgiven them yet.
I was a volunteer there.
I have three cousins on either side and on the side we were close to, they turned against us so we are no longer in touch due to eldest cousins wife preventing them being in touch, and the other side which we were more distant, one cousin and her son keeps in touch. The other two don't really bother.
When their parents were alive on both sides we all stayed in touch. When they died (My aunts and uncles) it was like the side that drifted from us used their parents to stay in touch? Is like that connecting link broke? BUT my older cousin drew closer as she was more distant. She is older than me.
But going back to when my aunts and uncles died. We went from a big family and associated family friends to hardly any. Went to 43 funerals in just a few years. Not been able to face a funeral since! Aunts, uncles, grandmothers (Grandads died before... One when I was a year old and the other when I was 18), my Dad and six days later a neighbour... Loads and loads of funerals, and as it was my Dad who was the one that people would befriend us because of him... (Not sure how he did it), we find it hard to make friends. (Haha. I always have found it hard.. A couple I knew died about a year ago. Both came as a shock and I didnt find out until I saw a new burial near where my Dad and Grandmother are buried. I tried calling in to see his widow but no answer. Then before we relocated, Mum wanted to visit the graves and the widows name was on his grave as well and photos. It was a complete shock, and since rhen I often thought of seeing them to tell them about some news I had heard... But they're not rhere to tell! It hit me each time I realized!
I had stayed away from calling too much incase I lost them as friends as I learned tp only visit friends once or twice a year so I could keep them as friends.. as if I find a friend (Rare) I can wear them.out if I call in when I am excitedto visit them. These were some of the rare few people I could talk to and they enjoyed talking to me. Very rare to find that.. I was so sad when they died!
Thank you , sorry to hear about what happened to you. No one deserves that.
Thank you. so sorry that you have had a bad time too.
Hope things are better for you now.
Hi I was adopted and abused by them plus my natural birth mother and siblings don't want to have a relationship with me etc and yes I'm OK it's nothing I did...as you say you're a nice person and i get it and I believe you...unfortunately life can be a bit random.in that you just get unlucky and you don't get to choose family and sometimes they're just god hideous people and it sucks. Yeah sounds like plain bullying and gaslighting which us just pretty cowardly and usually people like that are just so messed up there's nothing you can do and it's best to just detach yourself if it's harming you as its just abuse plain and simple. All you can do is be with the people that build up your confidence ie your uncle and boyfriend. They may be in denial about neuro diversity. Seriously just be with the people that love you and don't be around people who are abusive..that's all you can do.