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Unmasked Self

DrewDoug
8 months ago

I was curious.

I see a lot of people on YouTube, who, even when talking openly about their own Autism and Autism in general. Still admit to masking ALL the time. Even while making said videos. Which I can't fully understand why. I would think surely, given the purpose and audience. It would be okay to unmask. To be your true self.

Would anyone care to share what the differences are in your unmasked self compared to your masked self?

I for one. As if I'm not "different" enough. I don't mask. Never have. It's just something I don't do.

  • I find I fidget.
  • Tap my hands and feet.
  • Rub my forehead and scalp with the back of my hands looking for imperfections.
  • I pull my eyelashes out with my fingernails when I'm feeling particularly anxious.
  • Use made up words or put random words together almost like Tourette's.
  • I'll change the subject of conversation quickly or create a weird random subject.
  • Stare at or touch things that pique my interest.
  • Imitate peoples personality and mannerisms.
  • Stare at people excessively.
  • React with excessive frustration at the smallest inconvenience.

The list goes on. While I'm at it though, here are a couple of my sensory triggers which may not be common.

  • I HATE getting my hands wet unexpectedly.
  • I CANNOT wet razor shave my face.

Both of these cause extreme sensitivity to the point of near meltdown.

Parents
  • 8 months ago

    Thanks for your thoughtful post.

    I try to mask, but I'm not very successful at it. But I don't consciously unmask because I am too afraid and have not fully accepted my autistic self.

    I try to listen to what people say and say the socially acceptable things - rather than what I would reply if I was unfiltered. 

    I try to give eye contact, even though I usually end up just looking at their mouths.

    I try to make conversation, even though I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing.

    So I most of the stuff I mask is communication.

    I'm still on my journey to self acceptance and coming out as autistic, so maybe conscious unmasking will come.

    xx

Reply
  • 8 months ago

    Thanks for your thoughtful post.

    I try to mask, but I'm not very successful at it. But I don't consciously unmask because I am too afraid and have not fully accepted my autistic self.

    I try to listen to what people say and say the socially acceptable things - rather than what I would reply if I was unfiltered. 

    I try to give eye contact, even though I usually end up just looking at their mouths.

    I try to make conversation, even though I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing.

    So I most of the stuff I mask is communication.

    I'm still on my journey to self acceptance and coming out as autistic, so maybe conscious unmasking will come.

    xx

Children
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