Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm after some advice regarding my 20 year old son, who was diagnosed with ASD last year please. Like many others, he prefers comfortable clothing like joggers and soft jumpers and tops etc. He has favourites that he will wear day after day. He will put them out for washing eventually. He has some new clothes, equally comfy and will wear them but still prefers the old favourites. The main issue is, some of his joggers are not long enough and finish just above his ankles, and they look quite old. I have spoken to him about maybe getting some more new ones that fit but he doesn't see there being a problem. He feels comfy and that's all that matters. I notice people giving smirky looks when we are out sometimes and I just want to protect him from any negativity. He says it doesn't bother him. So really, I guess I'm wondering, do I just accept that he feels happy with how he looks and ignore others or do I try to explain how it looks, which I have been reluctant to, in too much detail, as I don't want him to feel self conscious. He's such a lovely young man and I just want the best for him. Thanks so much x
Yeah both I and my autistic younger brother do this. It drives our dad insane.
My brother loves joggers, and as he had a massive growth spurt they are generally on the short side. For me I love walking trousers, and as I've stopped growing it's usually more a case of how 'tatty' they look. Made worse by the fact that the company that makes the trousers I like has changed the design to no longer have zipped pockets so getting new ones is a nightmare.
The key is adding new ones to the cycle, which it seems like you have done and it has integrated well. The next step is of course removing the old ones. I recommend explaining in a great deal of detail how it looks to others. For me certainly, I just would never intuit that kind of thing and need it explained to me precisely.
He can then make the decision about how he is presenting to the world with the same amount of information as anyone else can get, and he may decide he doesn't care (which is often the decision I make regarding my trousers) but it is then his decision and not his ignorance that has led to that.
Hope this helps
Fibonacci Squid said:The next step is of course removing the old ones.
You could use a few creative lies here - "they were blown off the washing line in high winds", "foxes got to them and were playing tug of war with them" or "the fashion police turned up and took them into custody".
Just make sure they are somewhere they cannot be easily retrieved but it is still possible to do so in case of an unexpected meltdown (eg ask a friend to look after them for a few days before you donate / burn them.
Cutting that last thread to get the worn out ones out of circulation is probably best done a few at a time - tearing the bandaid off approach.
That is a betrayal of trust and he would likely notice, wouldn't recommend that. I have been absolutely furious whenever my parents got rid of things they had assigned as 'too tatty' when they didn't consult me first