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Update from my Claire’s law enquiry

Rach91
9 months ago

Hi I posted on here yesterday something I regret doing. I looked my boyfriend up under Claire’s law. I am consumed with guilt with what I have done. No offences or convictions of violence on him only something he got arrested for years ago which I already knew about that not related to being violent or anything of the sort. I’m in bits over this my boyfriend is extremely hurt by what I’ve done and I want to make things up to him I just don’t know how. I don’t even know why I did what I did we both have autism he always been kind to me never hurt me physically we had out arguments and disagreements but who hasn’t in a relationship. I think he mostly upset with the fact that I went behind my back and did this. How can I make things right how can I get him to trust me again because this is destroying me. 

Parents
  • 9 months ago

    You have been badly hurt in the past. You do not want to be hurt in the same way again. There is a law that has been designed specifically to minimise the risk of you being hurt that way. Using it seems both reasonable and logical.

     

    However, I am wondering whether your guilt and apologies may actually make the situation more difficult, because they give the impression that this is about your boyfriend. But from what you have said, it does not seem to be about your boyfriend as an individual at all, for two reasons:

    • It does not matter who was your boyfriend, and how saintly they may appear, at the moment you would want to check them out in this way
    • It is not that you do not trust your boyfriend, but rather that you do not trust your own judgement, because you previously put your faith in someone who was not worthy of it and are scared of making the same mistake again

     

    There is only one victim here, and it is not your boyfriend, it is you. You are the one who suffered the abuse. At this stage in your recovery from that experience, you need that extra bit of reassurance. It is nothing personal about your boyfriend, it is simply what you need if you are to open up fully in a relationship at the current time.

Reply
  • 9 months ago

    You have been badly hurt in the past. You do not want to be hurt in the same way again. There is a law that has been designed specifically to minimise the risk of you being hurt that way. Using it seems both reasonable and logical.

     

    However, I am wondering whether your guilt and apologies may actually make the situation more difficult, because they give the impression that this is about your boyfriend. But from what you have said, it does not seem to be about your boyfriend as an individual at all, for two reasons:

    • It does not matter who was your boyfriend, and how saintly they may appear, at the moment you would want to check them out in this way
    • It is not that you do not trust your boyfriend, but rather that you do not trust your own judgement, because you previously put your faith in someone who was not worthy of it and are scared of making the same mistake again

     

    There is only one victim here, and it is not your boyfriend, it is you. You are the one who suffered the abuse. At this stage in your recovery from that experience, you need that extra bit of reassurance. It is nothing personal about your boyfriend, it is simply what you need if you are to open up fully in a relationship at the current time.

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