Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm not a fan of them. Even as a little girl I never got excited for my birthday, in fact the weeks leading up to it were always filled with dread and this is something that's never changed.
My birthday is next month and I'm already dreading it. People keep asking me what I want, should we do a party, am I excited...
It must sound like I'm not grateful, I actually am grateful for the thought and care but as with every year I just want to stay in my room and wait for the day to be over. Everyone fusses and the majority know I don't like my birthday or celebrating but they do it anyway.
If it was a quiet occasion it would be much better and I wouldn't have such a big problem with it but it's never a quiet occasion and by the end of the day I'm always exhausted and nearing a meltdown.
There's still a month to go but I'm anxious already. If I'm really lucky they will forget it this year and I can carry on like normal.
No not really. I'm lucky in that there are never any celebrations to overwhelm me, as the only person who knows when my birthday is is my mum. The last (and only) time I've ever had a birthday party was when I was 7. That was enough to put me off them for life.
It wasn't until I attended primary school that I became aware that other children had birthday parties, but I wasn't invited. Around the time of the Silver Jubilee street parties my mum tried to help and took it upon herself to speak to the other parents in the neighbourhood and invite their children to a birthday party at my house. I was so excited and planned the event with military precision, what games were going to be played and in what order. Unfortunately the day itself was a complete disaster. The other children were just interested in playing amongst themselves, doing silly dances, etc. Any attempts I made to get any of them to join in with any of the activities I had planned were completely ignored. I remember not being able to understand what I had done wrong and I was so upset afterwards
As an adult I do usually try and 'celebrate' my birthday by going on holiday, to give it some positive association and mark the occasion. When that isn't possible it is just another day and really does not feel like anything to celebrate. The older I get the less I want any more birthdays.
Aww. That's really sad that after all that planning it didn't go as planned. When I was about 7 there was a sleep over which I was oddly invited to, didn't want to go but my parents both agreed it would be good for me and I planned so many things to say and do and it literally went the complete opposite way. I ended up having meltdowns and went home again.
I've noticed in life you can plan so much but it never tends to work out the way you plan. That's been my experience with a lot of things now.
Autonomistic said:As an adult I do usually try and 'celebrate' my birthday by going on holiday, to give it some positive association and mark the occasion
Will you be going anywhere this year?
I might start doing this... I'm 19 this year, not exactly an important age but maybe I could go to Devon or something.