Published on 12, July, 2020
Having started university in September of 2023, I was excited to start going out and enjoying myself at the bars and clubs in my city. More specifically, I was excited to find places to enjoy my preferred genres of music (namely heavy metal) with likeminded people. For the most part this has been going fine and usually these nights are enjoyable without any incidents. However, it's happened more than once that things have gone wrong and not always because of having one too many drinks.
The last thing I want is to make anybody unhappy or uncomfortable but unfortunately this keeps happening, particularly in my interactions with women. I keep my hands to myself, I try to be polite and I walk away if it becomes clear I'm unwelcome but this doesn't seem to be enough (granted I understand it is the bare minimum of human decency but a lot of people my age and older can't seem to grasp it.) This came to a head on new years eve when I ended up having a stern talking to by two police officers. I never mean to upset anybody and most of the time when I approach people my motivations are just friendly rather than anything more adult. Unfortunately it keeps happening and has previously cost me several friends.
This tends to happen if I go out having been in a bad frame of mind. I suffer from anxiety and depression which I feel like gives off an unpleasant aura if I'm not in a decent headspace. Another problem I feel is my struggles with non verbal communication, since verbal communication is less of an option in clubs due to the loud music. It doesn't help that I'm white and assigned male at birth, two characteristics that are immediately threatening to many people alongside the unfortunate feeling of danger that comes with any alcohol fuelled environment. It's not good for other people and it's not good for me either. I enjoy these nights but I can't keep going to them with the fear that I'll upset someone nor do I want to get a reputation. My intentions are always good but it never seems to come through. Any advice is very welcome and highly appreciated.
I’m not really sure I am a young man too but I don’t go on nights out when I used to I would find it difficult too. That’s why I stopped going on nights out it’s simply too much for me. I don’t drink alcohol anyway. I’m sure you’re a nice guy but many autistic people can become very aggressive when they drink. Whether that be full blown aggression or passive aggression but in my experience people can definetly get that vibe. I’m not going to drink again until I get my issues with my tummy dealt with as that can be a trigger to make me upset. I have been known to become aggressive when I am drunk another reason why I choose not to drink. Maybe when I’m older and more mature like 25 yrs old or something I might drink then. I see you mentioned being white and male but these are not reasons why you would get treated differently only certain few people would be like that I imagine.