Published on 12, July, 2020
Today i just cant get my act together. Between walking my dog i am getting back into bed. I wouldnt say that i feel tired, but fatigued and a sense of overwhelm. In the past i would battle with this, but now knowing that i am autistic, i accept it and see it as a time for the need to rest. It feels a little like giving in, but i then realise it as a necessity to keep myself feeling just ok. I used to work full time. My ability has reduced. Do you think this is common for those of us over 50? I pick and plan my activities carefully in a wsy that i can manage, it seems essential to managing my life x
Sounds similar to what hit me in December Tulip, albeit it sounds like you're experiencing it worse than I did. It wasn't that I *couldn't* do things, just had zero motivation or desire to do them, no matter how much I knew they were necessary (e.g. employment).
First things first - be kind to yourself and don't feel guilty or embarrassed about it. I've always lived by the mantra "whatever you feel is not wrong"; no-one can ever tell you your feelings aren't correct.
I'm currently re-evaluating what I want to get from life - diagnosed just before I hit 40, I've spent the last however many years telling myself that promotions, payrises and the general capitalist way of living is the way to measure success, but recently placing a lot more emphasis on happiness. So if, for you, that's a day in bed, so be it!
Hope you find a route out soon, but don't put too much pressure on yourself.
This happened to me in December 2020 and I've been battling chronic burnout ever since, but I'm not giving in yet.
However....
NAS91003 said:I'm currently re-evaluating what I want to get from life - diagnosed just before I hit 40, I've spent the last however many years telling myself that promotions, payrises and the general capitalist way of living is the way to measure success, but recently placing a lot more emphasis on happiness.
I agree with this so much. I've focussed so much on my career and I have done incredibly well by any normal measure, but it really hasn't brought me happiness. I'd happily take a 50% pay cut in exchange for a partner and a circle of friends (I don't mean buying them, you know what I mean). I need to start focussing more on my personal life and on myself and less on a corporate ladder that you can never reach the top of anyway.
Amerantin (former member) said:Everything I've read suggests that the best way to combat autistic burnout is to immerse ourselves in our special interests
That makes a lot of sense - I'm feeling a lot of burnout from work and got signed off for a chunk of December; spent what could be described as an unhealthy amount of time playing Let's Build a Zoo, which is essentially about putting things into a nice structure and pattern which I found that incredibly calming - something to do with feeling in control, I think.
Was interesting to see from my Garmin data that my heart rate often dropped to below what it does when I'm asleep!
NAS91003 said:even though I feel massively guilty for not achieving anything in those unproductive times.
Absolutely. It makes me feel like a fraud or like I just don't measure up to other staff.
Perhaps we're being too hard on ourselves. It's a classic autistm/ADHD mode of working and if our employers are getting the results they need we shouldn't feel guilty about it. Easier said than done...
That's really interesting to hear because that's exactly how I feel - I procrastinate a *lot*. But then give me a spreadsheet-based task and I can power through for hours, achieving in an hour what takes some people a whole day, and I get told that I'm doing well, even though I feel massively guilty for not achieving anything in those unproductive times.
I'm trying to be more conscious of that going forward - putting in breaks / walks in my diary as well as focus time, but - as expected - my times for being hyperproductive / unproductive don't appear to like being scheduled.
Yes, I've had a similar career journey and am now as senior as it's really possible to be in the UK part of the company. I was previously a senior manager, which I actually enjoyed and think I was quite good at, because it was largely about supporting other people. But at my last promotion i switched back to a more technical role, but technical roles at this level are, as you say, very abstract. The problem space is wide open with a million possible solutions and that's where my procrastination kicks in massively. So i tend to be very unproductive 85% of the time and hyperproductive 15% of the time. It appears to be enough to get the result my company wants - they seem happy - but it's incredibly stressful for me.
I used to work long hours but now I'm mostly sticking to my 37.5 hours. I didn't know i was autistic until around six months ago but I suffered a series of life setbacks in 2021 and my immediate work colleagues have been supportive and understanding. I'm now slowly working on what autism means for me in a work context and what i can do to make things better.
But it's not just about work. Everything I've read suggests that the best way to combat autistic burnout is to immerse ourselves in our special interests but this is something I let go of back in 2021 so I need to reintroduce that to my life.
Great to hear you agree, but sad to hear you've been battling burnout for 3+ years now.
The way I explained it in the diagnosis process was that I'm lucky enough to be able to make it a certain way up the ladder without my symptoms / traits getting in the way, and that's afforded me and my family a reasonable lifestyle.
But the higher up the ladder I've tried to get, the more abstract and vague my thinking has to be (e.g. having to design a 3-year strategy for my part of the business, starting with a blank sheet of paper!!) and I simply struggle to deal with the imprecise, "no right / wrong answer" kind of thinking and it leaves me exhausted.
That is a long time to battle with chronic burnout. Has your life changed a lot as a result? X