Published on 12, July, 2020
Have you ever had to interact with a certain type of autistic person who believes that their autism gives them a right to your silence? As an autistic person myself I find it incredibly irritating.
like many autistic people i’m used to getting comments about ‘you’re shouting’ when I’m not shouting but I’m talking more loudly than people expect. For me Stimming can be something as simple as humming a musical under my breath. Something that is likely to indicate that I’m stressed out. In fact I’m more stressed out I am the more likely I am to be making some kind of ‘noise.’ Humming, tapping, singing etc. and of course what stresses me out more is being told I’m making ‘noise’ and I need to stop or else.
absolutely one of the most offensive things you can possibly do is to tell me I am ‘laughing too loud.’ because to enjoy humour and comedy you have to have a lack of self consciousness and it’s absolutely impossible to have a lack of self consciousness if you are worrying about ‘laughing too loud.’
so to those people who think autism gives them a right to demand quietness, to turn the whole world into a library (and I say it as someone who likes libraries) I have to say to you respectfully no it doesn’t. Here’s a set of earplugs, deal with it.
but in truth what offends me the most is them speaking on my behalf. equating autism with this supersensitivity to sound. A lot of us do not get this. A lot of us struggle with social issues; it is after all one of the defining aspects of autism, and it’s really unhelpful when Neurotypicals get the wrong end of the stick and think that autism is just somehow some sort of super sensitive hearing / touch thing. Because from my point of view the thing Neurotypicals really need to understand is how autism affects social interaction.
that is one of the two major things all autistic people share, issues with social interaction. it’s the aspect Neurotypicals tend to really struggle to get their heads around. It’s really un helpful when people paint this inaccurate picture of the autistic presentation. You know the stereotype. If you’re autistic you’ve got to be really quiet and painfully polite and a real indoors introvert that would rather deal with animals than people. Someone who can’t stand noise and hates a party and is really adverse to confrontation. A completely rubbish stereotype that is completely the opposite of people like me.
The person in the room laughing the loudest at the most inappropriate joke. The person who is always trying to stave off boredom and likes a good party and dancing to loud music. The guy looking to turn the conversation to something interesting and weird because every day life is so banal. It would be nice for me personally if we could have a bit of representation among the autistic community that represents me. It’s bad enough that the media gets it wrong, it’s intolerable when other autistic people present the quiet stereotypes as being authentic.
While there are many things I don't like, I've discovered that adopting an unassuming and respectful attitude makes life easier for everyone involved. This Christmas, among the ten of us gathered around the table, four have been diagnosed with ASD Level 2, and another three are likely undiagnosed but show signs of ASD. The rest of the group has encountered various conditions, having at some stage expressed experiencing anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, MDD, or other similar challenges. It's a tough world where many of us are diagnosed with a string of such conditions. The point is, despite all our unique challenges, we seem to have gotten along well in each other's presence by simply being understanding and respectful of one another.
I quietly and reservedly complimented the headphones of the quiet kid I had never met before, and later, he willingly opened up and took pictures of my water-cooled PC as I quietly showed him around my room. While still remaining quiet, he seemed pleased to be interacting. Not long before leaving, the quiet kid's sister immediately joked about handshaking being a manly thing after I had just shaken her hand and then her brother's. However, she felt much more comfortable and accepted when I then gave her a hug. I explained that the heat of the day made me feel sticky and that I had not meant any offense and, in fact, wanted to hug but was unsure. She explained that they were a hugging family, which I was pleased to hear because I too also like to hug.
I'm no angel, as I have had extreme outbursts with people across the street involving police and child welfare intervention, where they are now the ones avoiding eye contact and being less loud and more respectful. Things are not always as they seem when it comes to ASD, let alone people with whatever challenges. Often, many of us learn the hard way, but it helps not to box people in by our likes and dislikes.