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Authenticity

JT
9 months ago

So, I was wondering if anyone else feels this way?

We are encouraged, these days, to just be ourselves. But if you have done this and always found the real you is rejected how on earth are you meant to live in the world authentically?

Just ignore the negative responses and persist? Or, like most people in the world with a heart, do you then adjust your 'self' to be less divisive/offensive/turbulent, in order to find a way to fit? (Mask)

Just struggling to fit a star shaped personality through a round hole atm, and it's made me very depressed

Parents
  • 9 months ago

    Hi, JT. I understand exactly how you feel, as I often get called out for having worldviews that collide/clash with many other people's and also have difficulty when it comes to boundaries. 

    Personally, I've found that trying to be as transparent about these issues with others as soon as possible is important to lessen the blow. If you need to fit in or coexist with specific people for specific reasons on a daily basis, like work/classmates, then I'd recommend that you explain to people that you struggle with social cues and may say things or act in a way that may upset them or make them uncomfortable, but that you do not do so deliberately. I've found that if I explain myself, people are more tolerant and lenient when you say something that could be considered insensitive. 

    For friends or closer acquaintances, I think that establishing boundaries is important. Let them know that you struggle and that you don't mean any deliberate harm in making them feel uncomfortable, while also explaining that you may and to let you know when you do so. Open communication and mutual respect will help a lot in these cases, as well as being willing to apologise in the event that you accidentally cross a line. Any reasonable friend will forgive and forget. 

    Of course, I struggle too, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I've found it easier to accept that I have thoughts, opinions and mannerisms that others might not agree with if I just remain transparent and respectful. One can't expect more from somebody than that, imo. 

    I hope this helps, but don't worry if it doesn't, as I'm sure that others will be able to provide advice too. You're not alone in this, after all. 

Reply
  • 9 months ago

    Hi, JT. I understand exactly how you feel, as I often get called out for having worldviews that collide/clash with many other people's and also have difficulty when it comes to boundaries. 

    Personally, I've found that trying to be as transparent about these issues with others as soon as possible is important to lessen the blow. If you need to fit in or coexist with specific people for specific reasons on a daily basis, like work/classmates, then I'd recommend that you explain to people that you struggle with social cues and may say things or act in a way that may upset them or make them uncomfortable, but that you do not do so deliberately. I've found that if I explain myself, people are more tolerant and lenient when you say something that could be considered insensitive. 

    For friends or closer acquaintances, I think that establishing boundaries is important. Let them know that you struggle and that you don't mean any deliberate harm in making them feel uncomfortable, while also explaining that you may and to let you know when you do so. Open communication and mutual respect will help a lot in these cases, as well as being willing to apologise in the event that you accidentally cross a line. Any reasonable friend will forgive and forget. 

    Of course, I struggle too, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I've found it easier to accept that I have thoughts, opinions and mannerisms that others might not agree with if I just remain transparent and respectful. One can't expect more from somebody than that, imo. 

    I hope this helps, but don't worry if it doesn't, as I'm sure that others will be able to provide advice too. You're not alone in this, after all. 

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