Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm mum and I'm allistic and my son is autistic. We had a Frank and sobering conversation today which shocked and saddened me but I'm glad in a way as I'm glad my son was honest with me..he told me in not so many words he'd rather not be alive due to his Autism as in life the one things he feels that matters the most is the emotional side of things which he can't have ie he was upset that he can't even experience those loving interactions that most neuro typical people take for granted..he basically feels very alone. I feel very sad for him and its frustrating as a mum who loves him very much that there is nothing I can do for him. So this is why I have come on here to ask the question of ..is there happiness to be had in this life when you have Autism? He works hard at fending off the depression that he feels as a result of Autism (ie not clinical depression) he exercises as he says that helps his mental state and he tries to eat right and he has stopped drinking alcohol all together. He doesn't feel enthusiastic about getting outside and doing anything as he says it won't make him any happier if he does interact with people even if he took meds to deal with anxiety etc he doesn't see the point.
I do think autistic people can have happy lives. My life was pretty terrible for some time but now, even though not perfect, my life seems bearable and even enjoyable at times. Sometimes when im at school and I see how they all interact and how easy it is for them or if I think about all the adult life expectations then I can feel a bit bothered how I cant do those things as well. But I think if he were to find people who understand him, and he engages in things he enjoys, makes sure to not push himself too hard then he can probably find happiness. But of course happiness is also partly with how you view things.
One thing though. You said he has tried to reduce he depressed feelings by quitting alcohol and other things, and thats good but you also said he hasnt really been socializing because of anxiety and not seeing the point. My psychology teacher has said that social isolation can be as bad for your health as smoking a box of cigarettes each day. Maybe him not interacting with people is worsening his depression. I dont interact with too many people in real life but even after I found this forum, ive been feeling less lonely. Ive tried other social medias but those ones cause me to feel left out and I second guess everything I say, someone who used to be on this forum but left told me it could be from the communication difference since most other social medias arent towards autistic people.
I think your Psych teacher is right. Isolation definitely does not help Autists and their mental health. It's very tough as a lot of Autists use isolation as a way of coping with life (Including me)