Published on 12, July, 2020
i noticed that i often must read people wrong and get a idea that they dont respect me in some way and perceive a dirty look or suspiciousness and strangeness. i dunno whether its a symptom of me reading them wrong or perhaps its a delusion, so it could be either a psychotic delusionary symptom or it could be a social misreading of people. i dont know how to tell if its one or the other though.it can be so that even people who were allied with me i get suspicious of later over anything. over slight tone change or facial expression difference. it doesnt help that i notice people i work with are kind to anothers face then speak poorly of them to others behind their backs and often backstab one another and try rat each other in.but i suppose it also works both ways. one of my colleagues was saying to another that they cant read my face as i always have the same calm expression no matter what happens. and so said they cant read me or tell when im pulling a funny prank or anything because i always look the same, and cant really get revenge prank on me because nothing seems to bother me because my face is always the same calm expression apparently. i guess in the inability for others to read me they could then think im thinking bad things to them and have this same delusion and mistrust that i feel about them too, so i guess it likely works both ways around. a situation of mutual unable to read one another and then mutual paranoia about intentions.but yeah im still on the fence whether its a social misread or whether i do have some sort of delusion or paranoia there. i look at things from all possibilities and logic so to me it puts everything as a possibility rather than a single absolute answer, until ofcourse the nhs does its job one day and gives me a answer, which they never will do.
Just a quick reply for now as I must get off the PC (it's uncomfortable).
I think that I experience quite a lot of what you do and I suspect that's the social communication/understanding side of autism (not being able to read people).
I'm pretty sure that I've read that autistic people can have a quite passive/unemotional expression too.
However, my mum suffered from paranoia and I would only think this were the case with you if you were thinking something really unusual as she would ie something that really doesn't make sense and wouldn't occur.
Just my view as my mother wasn't diagnosed with anything but I did have decades of listening to all her fears of what people might be saying/doing/plotting/planning.
So, to sum up, it doesn't sound like paranoia or delusions to me but rather the autism making it difficult for us to understand where people 'are coming from'.
ah so if its a paranoid delusion it would be out of the ordinary. makes sense, i knew a person one time who thought the queen was talking to her on the tv and that there was missiles pointed at her above her house or something. she also claimed to be on the titanic! thats out of the ordinary for sure lol