i noticed that i often must read people wrong and get a idea that they dont respect me in some way and perceive a dirty look or suspiciousness and strangeness. i dunno whether its a symptom of me reading them wrong or perhaps its a delusion, so it could be either a psychotic delusionary symptom or it could be a social misreading of people. i dont know how to tell if its one or the other though.
it can be so that even people who were allied with me i get suspicious of later over anything. over slight tone change or facial expression difference. it doesnt help that i notice people i work with are kind to anothers face then speak poorly of them to others behind their backs and often backstab one another and try rat each other in.
but i suppose it also works both ways. one of my colleagues was saying to another that they cant read my face as i always have the same calm expression no matter what happens. and so said they cant read me or tell when im pulling a funny prank or anything because i always look the same, and cant really get revenge prank on me because nothing seems to bother me because my face is always the same calm expression apparently.
i guess in the inability for others to read me they could then think im thinking bad things to them and have this same delusion and mistrust that i feel about them too, so i guess it likely works both ways around. a situation of mutual unable to read one another and then mutual paranoia about intentions.
but yeah im still on the fence whether its a social misread or whether i do have some sort of delusion or paranoia there. i look at things from all possibilities and logic so to me it puts everything as a possibility rather than a single absolute answer, until ofcourse the nhs does its job one day and gives me a answer, which they never will do.