Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't know if other people ever feel like this (or feel this as often and as much as me), but I really struggle to know when what I am doing is enough. How much effort should I put into things? How long and how hard should I work? How should I be spending my time? I've seen other autistic people discussing how they have taken the phrase 'do your best' too literally and I worry that I do the same, or the opposite - that I'm not doing nearly enough.
It doesn't help that this year I've been learning to accept that I simply don't have as much energy as my peers. I see everyone going out and doing all of this stuff and I just know that I could keep that kind of lifestyle up for about a week before feeling so drained I can't do anything for the next month. It's paralysing to watch everyone doing and being so much more than me. I want to do so much, but when it comes down to it, I feel so lost and afraid. I often joke with my friends that I wish I had a little assistant who could tell me what I need to be doing and when.
Getting motivation is difficult because even if I commit myself to doing something, my brain starts telling me all the other things I could be doing, and that perhaps I'm not using my time correctly. I don't know. I suppose I just want to know if this is common for other autistic adults, and how I could begin to navigate this. I'm 20 at the moment; is this something I'll simply 'grow' out of, or is this forever? Is it pointing to some ultimate feeling of purposeless that I won't be able to be rid of until I find said purpose?
That makes sense to me. I didnt know either, so to prove i was good enough, i have always put 150% in order to limit any negative feedback. That has been exhausting. So what i find now, is that i am a perfectionist, and find things to do/that need doing that others dont. I have raised my bar high and i have been very tired as a result. But this how i learned as a young person. One employer said that i work to my own high standards.
I never thought of it as an autistic "thing", but it makes sense to me.
In social situations in the past, i would go over and above what others would do.
Relationships, always give it my all. Then learn that not everyone is like that. Maybe i have given myself a hard time. I have never looked at it in this way before, so thank you for helping me understand why.
As for time, yes, managing my time is imperative, what should i do? I dont just let it flow. Or maybe we looking too deep into it?
At 20 and recognising this, is hopefully to your advantage. But i still dont know how good is good. I say, be the best that you can be. I think it goes deeper than self esteem x
Totally relate to that post. That is me in every way. I have ocd also. My time management is awful, my priorities seem to be whatever I’m focused on at the time which then leads to panic because there are important things that actually need your attention. Going over and above like Tulip said and will never ask for help with anything, think that is because I don’t trust anyone would be able to do that task as well as I can. I work for myself and on my own but struggle as I won’t ask for help and don’t make anywhere near what I should (money) because of my obsession with perfection. The only positive I get from being this way is that I walk away knowing I did my absolute best and have a lot of very happy customers. That’s nice to know but I’m just pleasing everyone else. The problem with me discovering I’m asd is that now I realise this it is highlighting everything and making me feel worse atm. I’ve managed for 49 yrs and now I’m telling myself it’s okay to feel exhausted first thing in the morning. I am hoping this gets easier as I start to understand myself a little more? It would be nice to have a strategy in place to either do just enough or at least prioritise and manage my time better. Now I’ve highlighted it I just can’t get it out of my mind now. Any positive or reassuring advice would be really appreciated. Just read through the message and realise how negative this is. Sorry. I’m at my worst in the mornings.
I think it would be hard to change a habit of a lifetime and as you say, just do enough, when our enough has always been more.
About prioritising time, one positive thing i was consistent with was finishing work on time at the end of the day, as soon as it was 5pm, that was it. I realised what needed doing could wait until tomorrow, but i didnt work for myself like you.
If you have happy customers, and in recognision your perfectionism, have you considered increasing your charges? X
The money thing doesn’t really matter to me tbh. I don’t think any amount would make up for what it actually costs me. Think a good routine rather than a bad one is probably what’s required. Working for yourself does have its benefits I suppose…. I get time alone which suits me sometimes. I’m complaining but I wouldn’t change what I do.