Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone Just wanted to ask anyone who may have been in my situation for a little shove in the right direction. I am 49 years old and have recently discovered my 8yr old boy is autistic. the strange thing is I have always known he was different and have always had a very strong connection with him. He is undiagnosed atm but seeing a therapist who specialises in autism. I have completely immersed myself into researching about autism to a point where I really started to understand that I could also be on the spectrum. Then as my wife has gained knowledge she told me she thinks I could be on the spectrum. I took this literally and thought it would be a good idea to ask my son’s therapist the question. She told me that I am very possibly on the spectrum and this is without me revealing any of my traits. I went back to my wife to tell her and she was mortified that I had asked the question and ended the conversation. Although I weirdly feel slightly relieved as it explains a lot I’m also very afraid as I know I am different to neurotypical people. On top of that I feel exhausted all the time as I am constantly masking to fit in and I don’t even feel that I can let my guard down at home because of my wife’s reaction. I suppose from her point of view she is trying to deal with the fact our youngest boy is autistic without me being in the mix as well. I don’t even know how to approach this again as I find it hard to communicate sometimes as I fear what the outcome will be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for the advice. I have been heavily researching for the last 10 weeks and I can’t believe I never questioned myself before now.
thank you again
I guess in your families case you are all going through significant changes, and your wife's reaction maybe due in part to her own fears for your son, which you seem to acknowledge. As each family learn and understand more about Autism it is not uncommon for a parent to be diagnosed in relation to a child's diagnosis. Autism is not something to fear, but something to understand and accommodate. I would suggest give your wife time to process all that is happening for your son, while in the meantime you can maybe do your own research and self discovery towards a diagnosis, if you deem that to be beneficial for you. I fully understand your fear of communication outcomes, as being Autistic, it is something that we learn is often a common theme. In my case I write down scripts of what I am going to say before any key discussions, we have to be prepared though that sometimes the answers we get do not fit our view of the world. It is all OK and part of life's rich tapestry, the more you learn, the more you will understand about yourself, along with coping strategies and be in a stronger position to support and help your family too. Good Luck.