Published on 12, July, 2020
HI Everyone,
Just joined the community and first time posting. I am looking for any advice or support from people who may have had to have a conversation with an adult family member about them being possibly neurodivergent? Anything is welcome as I am piecing this all together.
I'm 32, my sister is 28. She has always been herself and it isn't unknown among our family or friend circles that she is unique. She's just been fired from her job and I am trying to navigate how to have a converation with her around seeking medical advice/support for a possible neurodivergent diagnosis of some kind. I know on the one hand it may read as harsh that I am looking to raise this after her being fired, but a pattern is emerging somewhat in her employment history and I am trying to help by working out how to break this.
I used to work with a woman who had aspergers and the parallels between her and my sister are notable which has put me on to posting here.
Any advicce is hugely appreciated and happy to provide further info if it would help
Best
RS
I also think one of my family members are autistic. I have an uncle who is high support needs, but I think my other uncle (his brother) could also be on the spectrum. I talked to my mom about it and after hearing my arguments, she agrees. I asked if shed talk to him about looking into it but shes afraid he'll be "angry because its not very positive". That first of all was offensive but I also think it would be a good thing if he looked into it because hes been struggling alot with both university and finding a job, as well as keeping and making friends, I think it could be a releif to finnally know why he is the way he is (I know it was for me), so I just dont understand why you wouldnt tell someone if you think it could help them.
If I were you id just straight up say it but my mom seems to think thats not a good idea so maybe thats not well liked.
I think it’s a very worthwhile endeavor to investigate the possibility that your sister may have autism. But you appreciate that knowing that she has autism won’t make her stop having trouble at work? In all probability most of the flexibility will have to be on her employers side, very often employers are reluctant to be flexible, or ignorant about their duties under the law or about the kind of flexibility autism requires. Getting the diagnosis would not be the end of her problems it would just be the beginning of a fight. Both you and her should appreciate that going into the process.
As a practical matter, can you, or anyone in the family, help her to get another job?
Just a heads up that 'Aspergers' is a word that is discouraged now, partly due to Hans Asperger being a Nazi.
When I discovered I was autistic, I was told there was a strong possibility that my mother and her siblings were, along with my maternal grandmother (there are definitely traits on that side of the family). In my case, I just repeated to my mother what I had been told, which did not come as a surprise to her.
You know your sister... If you were to ask her if she had ever considered she may be autistic, do you think she would react well, or feel offended? You don't have to answer that, but it's maybe something to think about.
If your sister is inclined to agree that she may be autistic, then it's important that what she does next needs to be her choice. If she wishes to pursue a diagnostic assessment, then completing the AQ50 (see link) is a good starting point. If her score indicates that she is likely autistic, then she can discuss the matter with her GP and request a referral for a diagnostic assessment. However, the waiting list for an NHS assessment can be at least 2 or 3 years.
It should also be noted that support for autistic adults tends to be in the form of self-help (books, YouTube videos about autism, and sharing experiences on forums like this one).
https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient