Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm having quite a bad time of late, having being diagnosed autistic 2 weeks ago today. I have been off work sick with "emotional stress" as per my GP's sick note. My intention all along has been that I would return to work the next day, but tomorrow comes and goes. Realistically, I can see myself being signed off all this (3rd) week.
I am so fortunate that I really enjoy my job which is quite specialised in IT and process automation - something that's "right up my street". The problem I am having is extreme anxiety around how I will "slot back in" when I do return, and that is one of the key reasons why I am still off.
What I am finding is that I keep replaying pre-diagnosis scenarios that happened at work.I am very experienced and knowledgeable in what I do; I always see errors being made by less experienced members of the team, but management (no experience in out field) tend to not take notice of my observations. Incidentally, I always offer guidance and resolution to these technical problems, but it is generally ignore as the manager doesn't want to "upset the team dynamic". In other words, the people are making mistakes but are not being "pulled up" on them in case they feel inadequate.
Yes, I know that us ND's can have difficulty with communication and that can (and has) shown in some of my interactions at work. But if nobody else is experienced enough to recognise the mistakes, then how do we resolve this?
What I am wanting to do for when I do return to work is write a piece about autism and how it "shapes" me, so that I can share it with the team to hopefully give them a better understanding about me and not feel threatened or attacked when I do find mistakes in their work. The challenge is to make something concise without being overly cumbersome. I have thought about sharing a couple of 20-30 minute YouTube videos with them, but am concerned that may be asking a bit much from them.
I don’t want to throw a spanner in your works but I would advise caution about who you disclose your diagnosis to and how you do it.
I was diagnosed in the summer and I wanted to be completely open about it and share it with those I work with, with the goal of slightly reshaping how I work.
My line management have actually been quite good about it and have given me space to figure it out, but unfortunately the co-workers I shared it with - people I have been very friendly with for many years - all distanced themselves from me immediately.
The sad truth is nobody wants to know about it or make any kind of accommodation for it.
I am fortunate in that both my line manager and HR have so far been very supportive and understanding - even for some time pre-diagnosis as I made them fully aware of everything that is going on with my health.
Having said that, I guess that they have a legal obligation to be supportive....to a certain extent.
It is an awful shame that you appear to have been ostracised by your co-workers. For me though, I couldn't care any less if they did the same to me. As long as they are professional and capable of doing their job, then that's fine with me (although I do doubt the latter quality at times). However, if their attitude / behaviour had even the slightest hint of discrimination, then that would be a completely different matter (probably a legal matter at that).
What my co-workers need to understand is that I am "wired differently" to their NT brains. They need to know and accept that I WILL notice and call out mistakes. Part of my role involves peer reviewing & QA'ing their work and that I am extremely thorough. If errors (bugs) get through to the customer, then its not going to look good on any of us!
If they can start to understand where "I am coming from" and that I am not attacking them personally, then maybe they can concentrate more on doing a better job rather than feeling "butt hurt" (apologies for such a crass term) when their output comes under scrutiny.
You might find when you do go back to work, the routine will start and perhaps that will be a little bit better. It can be difficult being at home, as the mind starts wondering etc.
Totally agree, it is their problem and not yours. There are legal obligations and procedures to follow. So I would be with you, if people are like that they can frig off to be honest.