Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m most probably just venting, the Spector of the Sunday roast looms most weeks. I personally find the Whole experience really daunting. The morning has the prep for something I don’t want to eat. I then tend to spend most of the afternoon cooking a meat that I really can’t tolerate, the smallest amount of fat makes me gag. The childhood thing of the forced roast is a horrible memory.
I get told off for being controlling and making ‘this autism thing, all about me’. I would rather have an omelette for dinner, done in 10 minutes . I’ve been quiet for 50 years, right from childhood, I’m only 2 years in from realising I’m autistic and can’t keep quiet anymore. Food to me is a minefield or a mindfield My youngest son was asked today if he wanted roast, his answer was no, I hate it, I’m going out with my girlfriend for a Chinese meal, he doesn’t get told off. I get that I should try to fit in. It sounds weird but my autistic behaviour is something I can’t stop, it’s like finally realising who I am. To me the realisation of autism has been like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I know that’s a terrible cliche. Sorry just venting.
I was forced to eat a badly cooked Sunday roast every Sunday as a kid and I hated it too. I was forced to sit at the table until my plate was empty, regardless of whether or not I was full and if I failed to eat it I'd be given it the next day for breakfast. As a result, the idea of having one now as a adult makes me want to run away and hide. So I completely understand. I'm grateful that my fiance gets it and is happy to eat something else, today he made us a home cooked Chinese dish.
Your autism isn't a thing you use to "make it all about you." It's a fundamental part of who you are and it impacts your daily life greatly and I'm saddened to read that those around you seemingly don't understand this and don't allow you the space to discover who you are in this new identity because that is what you deserve.