Published on 12, July, 2020
I am on the autism spectrum and I know those on the autism spectrum are often said to be socially awkward and have difficulty making friends.I was reflecting on this in the context of making eye contact and I know those on the autism spectrum often have difficulty making eye contact, as I do.Why I reflected on both was my feeling that reliable social contact with others may be guided by differences in how neurotypical people feel about social behaviours. For example, I notice I don't make eye contact because I find it incredibly uncomfortable to look somebody in the eye. I'd rather look just about anywhere else.But that then to me implies it's as much a feelings thing as a skills thing. I don't avoid eye contact because I don't know how to look into people's eyes, I avoid eye contact because I find it extremely uncomfortable.If you are on the autism spectrum will you please reply by writing something how you feel about eye contact and will you also write something more about what your theory is about social skills but also what the differences are between neurotypical people and those on the autism spectrum while we each try to be sociable? So, eye contact and being sociable, go! :)
The key thing is appropriate eye contact - too short or too little and you're not engaging / connecting with the other person. Too much, particularly too long and your starting to come across as freaky, Its a difficult balancing act.
I don't find eye contact difficult or uncomfortable - I do make eye contact, but not enough (as per my recent diagnosis report).What I am aware of is that when I am really talking from the heart or from experience, I tend to stare into space as this enables me to focus on what I am talking about with minimal visual distractions. I do tend to briefly re-establish eye contact, but probably more as to try to maintain the other persons attention.
When I am meeting / greeting someone, I am always keen to engage in a nice firm handshake, but I really struggle to have eye contact at that early stage of the interaction.
I find it easier to maintain eye contact on social rituals like hand-shaking where I know eye-contact is expected and beneficial to the ritual. It helps make it feel sincere. I visited a speech therapist in the hope she would help me engage with others in my speech patterns and she told me I often look at the wall or floor while talking when she wanted me to look her in the eye. I encouraged her to remind me because it was helpful.I agree with what others have said about it feeling confrontational. I don't look at people because I think I might intimidate them.