Where to start. Career, Life, Everything.

Re. socialising and making friends. It is tough even for those NT brains as we get older.

But one method I've used is to be yourself, that part of important. But also, when interacting with others, prioritise being kind.

You can't control the outcome of these actions, but you can control how you feel about your ability & performance because if you have been kind in an interaction you can leave with peace of mind, which is invaluable in my experience.

So focusing on the being kind and being fun part is a good way to ensure you make the other person feel comfortable. You are essentially focusing on the other person/people. I've found this to solveany social issues

Even if you don't then have a load of best mates, you will have a lot of admirers or at very least a string of people who think highly of you

best of luck!

I am sorry. I am rushing. Trying to make friends. Talking to people is new to me. I am probably making a bunch of mistakes. Saying things I shouldn't. Asking too many questions. Not really thinking. Trying to help people when they don't really want help. I will learn with time. Maybe people won't like me but that is ok, I can't change that, I can just be me. Sorry for my actions I will try to do better. Ask fewer questions, make less assumptions. I have only ever really thought about myself and my experiences. Sorry. I am a bit of a bull in a china shop, acting impulsively and only after things are broken looking back at my actions and then overthinking all of my small mistakes. Making mountains out of mole hills. I need to slow down. Stop sending messages and start again from scratch. I have made a mistake. I want everything to be done now, and that is not ok. Like all things, it takes time make the friendships worth having. I have probably burnt a lot of bridges I have no idea what people think of me which is probably not for the best. Actions have consequences. I should talk to people in person rather then online, I don't think this is the right place for me. I am sorry you had the experiences you have had. No one should have to go through that. You deserve to work at a place that appreciates your work. https://blog.evenbreak.co.uk/tag/coaching/, https://auticon.com/uk/about-us/community-partners/ . As much as I want to be I am not a good person, that's ok, I don't need to be a good person straight away, even god doesn't judge people till the end of their lives. I am going to focus on getting a job and then talking to people, little by little one stop at a time. You are amazing, there will only ever be one of you throughout all of time and space, there will never be anyone like you again, you deserve to have a good life. I wish you the best.

You should consider becoming a log thrower, or baseball player I imagine that could make good use of your skills. Sorry. I would like to learn your story. 

work at a parcel company throwing parcels in the warehouse lol

I am sorry to hear that. Have you thought about changing jobs? There are autism related job boards, where you might be able to get more support for your work, or work somewhere where you are appreciated. EvenBreak is one. Have you thought about learning a new skill so you can change your job. I am not talking about sucking up to people, everybody deserves respect even those that you do not agree with. At least that is what I want to believe, you probably think differently. What do you do if you do not mind me asking?

How do you know if you are the best worker or can do the best job if you don't look up from your hole and see what other people are doing

thats pretty easy.... i see what others are doing, alot of them are walking around doing nothing at all pretending to work, i saw some hiding out behind the bins at night hiding, i see some locking themselves in toilet cubicles for hours which is more annoying as i need the toilet and they are using them to skive off work.... and ofcourse another tell tale sign is i am used to replace 2 people at jobs. and myself on my own does a better job than the 2 people as if you dont do it fast enough it stops, and it never stops with me but it always stops with any 2 people on.... meaning im faster and better than 2 people of which my process leads confirm i at least do the job of 2 people and i shouldnt be hated as much as i am but yeah supervisors and middle management are all in their offices dont know what the workplace is like as they are stuck in their office and dont know their workers propper.

i cant control whether someone hates me or not.... and once they hate me and act against me im gonna find it hard to suck up to them like youd perhaps suggest as id not respect them as theyd have alienated me from them. i dunno.... its like.... trying to ask a person who is discriminated against by one person to suck up to them and humiliate themselves for that person, like think of any discrimination case and try imagine the cure being the one discriminated against being to bow down and suck up to the discriminator, it never works...

but as for social stuff i can perhaps work on that as you say, by taking up a mixture of courses and education, such as a combination of phycology and acting. then you can know other people and combined with acting you can manipulate them and the situation like a evil genious lol

I am sorry, but I think you are wrong. Anything can be learnt if you are willing to put in the effort. There is no use complaining about things. The only thing you have control over is your actions, so if takes learning social skills to make a difference then you have just go to learn social skills. You can't control what other people do but you can control what you do. Maybe I will fail again and again, but at least I tried. Opportunity comes to those who are prepared for it, so you just need to prepare, that means going out and looking foolish, making mistakes and picking yourself up. Maybe I am wrong but it is my understanding masking is where you go about trying to hide who you are, trying to fit in but I don't think that is the only way, there must be a way to work with our minds to make it easier to learn social skills, going with the grain instead of against. How do you know if you are the best worker or can do the best job if you don't look up from your hole and see what other people are doing. I imagine there are thousands of different people with thousands of different ways of solving problems, that you can only find by talking to people. If this society isn't for us, then we will just have to change that. Step by step. Sorry, I don't know what you have gone through, maybe you just disagree with me, that is ok, but I am going to be an optimist, have hope, do my part to help the people that need helping when they need it the most and that comes from developing social skills and connections. From making mistakes, putting myself out there and trying. Maybe, I will just fail, maybe you are right but I am going to try.

Sorry, lets try that again. I think I have decided to pick studying data science as I enjoyed my probability modules at university. I am going to apply for graduate schemes, as many as I can, take as many interview as I can and improve my skills and just learn everything ok. Things won't go my sometimes that is ok. The law of serendipity states lady luck favours the one who tries. Also opportunity comes to the prepared. Now that I have picked my path I need to stick to it no matter the winds that blow. If I don't get a graduate scheme then I am going to try to get on to a master and then apply again the next year, and the next if need be. Again and again until I succeed. Thank you so much for you help.

This is one of those questions where the right answer for you different from the right answer for me. I generally think it’s very important to do something you’re passionate about I think that strongly links to job satisfaction. I think it’s also fair to warn you though that research in university as opposed to research an industry is not very financially stable. So if financial stability is a big factor for you you definitely want to look for the industrial route. And again doing a PhD with an industrial focus is probably a big part of preparing yourself to transition into research in industry.

A lot of PhD is can be found on jobs.ac.uk I think a lot of universities use that like a one stop shop for all kinds of research jobs and research degrees. But it’s always better to talk to the University directly if you have one in mind. Some universities will invent PhD is around promising Young candidates. But that would require you to have an idea about the kind of research you’d already like to do or the supervisor you’d like to work with.

for industrially funded PhD is you’re probably best looking at jobs.ac.uk. If I could go back and do it again I would choose a PhD in what I’m doing now which is the mathematics of biological aging. It would’ve set me up much better for what I want to be doing now. However I recognise at this stage in my life financially but there isn’t much of a call for what I’m passionate in outside of university research. Unless perhaps you’re willing to go down and work in Oxford or over the Atlantic into America. I don’t know how big an obstacle geographic mobility is for you.

I took part in the strikes, and picketing; very recently the pension benefits have been returned to their previous levels. The strikes have worked, at least in that regard. I wrote three chapters in a textbook, but it was a very specialised book so didn't sell like one aimed at undergraduates. No, I am never bored, I have very absorbing interests, most recently I have taken up watch repair (old pocket watches) in a small way. A lot of my research was concerned with drug resistance and drug design to overcome resistance. I also worked on some fundamental metabolic and cellular processes that have no direct connection with the diseases caused by the microorganisms. 

When I did my undergrad degree only 12.5% of school leavers went on to university, now it is around 60%. There has been an increase in PhD students, but not nearly as large. The biggest change I have noticed is that research groups have tended to get larger. The 'big names' in any field seem to attract a larger proportion of the funding available. When I started work the average research group was around 5 to 10 people. Now there seems to be much less middle-ground, with new PIs having a couple of researchers and established professors often having groups as large as 20 to 30 people. Collaborations between PIs have also increased enormously.

You sound amazing. There were some strikes going on at my uni because they were planning on changing the pension scheme, I think. I am not entirely sure. Did you ever write any textbooks? I imagine that is how some Lecturers make money but since you didn't go into the teaching side I wonder if you could still write books. That way you don't have to talk to people and you can make some more money but I imagine it is a matter of connections. Are you bored, now that you are retired? Have you found things to keep you interested in or are you just doing nothing every day? What was the purpose of your research? Was it to determine why certain diseases behave the way they do or was it trying to find ways to prevent their spread? Find cures and so on. Did you ever see a noticeable increase in the number of PhD students and post docs or was it always the same? If it increased why do you think that was, was it just a matter of universities wanting more funding?

I took early retirement in 2020. My PhD was on the molecular and cell biology of pathogens. I worked in research (tropical disease) for 25 years, the last 5 years I was the lab manager for my group. Then the grant money was not renewed and I moved into managing scientific facilities in a university research institute, though I kept up some collaborations with groups working in my old field of research. I never wanted to teach, would not have the abilities to do so, therefore the lecturer, senior lecturer, reader, professor route was not an option. Academics are hired and paid by universities primarily to teach, though a good track record in research is also usually essential. The research side is really left to the individual academic (in research terms called the PI - principal investigator). It is a little like being self-employed, the PI organises grant funding (from government bodies or charities), hires postgrad students, technicians and post-docs (though the university is the formal employer), guides the research and oversees the writing of publications. The grant money pays for research equipment, consumables, rents lab-space from the university and pays the salaries of the researchers in the group. 

The downsides of research work are the reliance on 1, 3 or 5 year grants, so there is a precarity in employment. The pay is not great, compared to the academic qualifications of the average worker, but is reasonable compared to most jobs. The upsides are: the pension is very good compared to virtually anywhere else, there is considerable freedom in hours of work (though I did do the occasional 12 hour stints on Sundays collecting data), holidays are good - typically 30 days a year, working on interesting and often challenging projects, having full rein in indulging in hyper-focus, plenty of opportunities for problem- solving and working in a stimulating environment with lots of civilised and intelligent people.

Dealing with rejection:

• I had my ups and downs to be honest. Sometimes it’s particularly hard when a job you really want falls through. Over time I began to approach it as a project, seek feedback when I was rejected and try to learn from it and improve my CV, interview approach and other communications.

Upskilling/certifications:

• You’ll need to decide for yourself what interests you, you can be good at and that you can be happy doing. In IT the hot skills just now are cloud infrastructure, AI, data science and cyber. Software development is always a staple skill that earns good money, especially if you can get specific domain experience eg financial services. There are lots of free high quality trainings on YouTube and Coursera. Perhaps you could investigate these and see which interest you? With your background you may find AI or data science a good match

Part-time jobs:

• I had a part time job in retail while I was at university. I hated it but it did mean I could demonstrate willingness to work and experience of working environment on my CV.

What did you put on your CV?

• My original CV focussed on my academic experience - school and university. I didn’t feel any embarrassment about that, what else would you expect from someone looking for their first “proper” job? It sounds like you can make a really strong story around your academic experience - particularly if you go into a more mathematical job such as data science.

Did you take social skills courses?

• No, but I really wish I’d had the opportunity to. I had a horrible time at university - I went to lectures, tutorials and labs alone. I ate my lunch alone. I studied alone. I was like an invisible ghost amongst the “real” people. I really needed help then but just didn’t know what to do.

What companies should I look at, all of them even if I am not really interested in them?

• My university careers service provided loads of information about companies that employ graduates. So many companies I would never have heard of otherwise. My first job was on the graduate scheme of a well known financial company. It wasn’t really what I wanted but it got me good experience in the field I had studied for and their training included things like presentation skills and team working. I found that stressful but it was invaluable to my personal development.  But I moved on to a better job after less than two years. It’s so much easier once you have real experience on your CV.

Is it just a numbers game?

• It probably was for me. I did leave university in the middle of a deep recession though.

Prepping for interviews:

• Does your university careers service provide any interview training? Mine did. My local job centre also had a scheme for graduates which included giving us dummy interviews as practice. In my case I think I just needed to do enough interviews to relax a bit. I was very anxious at first.

Should I emphasize my academics in my CV saying that I am good at learning?

• Absolutely.  This is the main experience and evidence you have and that’s absolutely fine at this stage of your career. You could also tailor the CV to the roles you apply for. For example if data science is an interest there should be lots of good relevant stuff from your maths degree. If you’re going for a software development job then highlight any work you did that involved programming.

What do you do now, if you do not mind me asking? Are you still in research? Do you work at a university?  I keep reading it is extremely harsh to become a Professor after a PhD and I don't know if it is worth it. I hear all these horror stories about the low-pay of post-docs and I don't know why people go into it, do they just not realise it or do they think things will be different for them? What was your PhD on, can you explain it to me like I am a child?

I did a research master's degree, then a PhD, while working for a university as a research assistant, then research associate, but there are not all that many opportunities to go down this route. I worked in molecular biology, rather than anything mathematical. Alternatively, some funding bodies, such as the Wellcome Trust, offer very good PhD grants, which are tax-free. One friend of mine was on such a grant and his initial take-home pay as a post-doc was less than his tax-free grant as a student.

Meditation might help with anxiety, which most autistics seem to have heightened levels of.

Hi thank you for your help, how do you deal with rejection? What should I upskill in? Should I create software projects or should I do certifications? Did you get a part-time job while you were looking? What did you put on your CV? Did you take social skills courses? What companies should I look at, all of them even if I am not really interested in them? Is it just a numbers game? Is there something I should focus on specifically that will have the most impact with getting a job? Have you got any tips for preparing for interviews in the meantime? Did you have any work experience? Should I emphasize my academics in my CV saying that I am good at learning? Sorry for all of the questions, I will probably think of much much more. You are amazing.

This may sound silly but is their any evidence of meditation helping with autism?

Hi, I am sorry to hear that. I think my stumbling block is rushing. Expecting to get instant results now. Which is sort of silly. To get conversations over and done with as soon as possible and not letting it just play out. I think my best option is going to be further study but how do you get paid to do this. My ability and willingness to learn things well is probably my greatest strength. I just don't know what I need to learn. An industry PhD is one option but it is long and extremely specialised. Are there other options? Is it possible to be good in a few topics instead of very good in one and then how do I utilise this? Is there a complete learning plan for social skills? Like a university of social skills because if i can increase that to a suitable level whilst also being good in a few topics good be very valuable but that comes from knowing people, knowing how to utilise that. It is not enough to good at something you need to be able to find the opportunities where that is needed and that comes from going out and talking to people. Which is scary. So my plan should be maths + useful skill + social skills. Are there companies or places that need people good at learning things? What fields would this be useful in?