Published on 12, July, 2020
I was feeling brave the other day so I decided to push the boat and when the postman knocked on the door I answered it. I didn’t want to who does?
It’s a stranger at the door
In seconds my brain had created loads of negative scenariosWhat if the postman is ill and I get ill?What if I he comments on me?What if I faint?What if he starts talking and I have to commit to a conversation?
This and more was going through my head
Before I reached the door I was filled with terrible anxiety, my stomach became swollen and painful, chest hurt, heart racing and I was feeling sweaty like I had a fever
But like a crazy person I answered the door anyway
Guess I was expecting it to go well for some weird reason
it was the postman. he had a parcel and some letters. He asked the name and I said yes
And then he decided to make small talk. Nice weather isn’t it. Looking back now I’m guessing this was a humour statement as it’s clearly not nice weather
at the time I said no and then fearing he was going to say something again and I was really starting to feel ill by now I said bye and closed the door
The look he gave me as the door closed was... I don’t know not a nice look
He probably thought me an arrogant and rude woma jad he seen what took place after he wouldn’t have thought that hope not anyway
Afterwards I fell to pieces. Crying and shaking I was sick twice. And now I’m left feeling totally exhausted and my body is aching all over
My muscles are tense painful headache like someone’s squeezing my head
I went from feeling brave and confident answering the door to feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and feeling a complete failure
Confidence shattered in a heartbeat
Now in bed resting and feeling terrible online I can be so sociable feel happy calm and safe
In person I’m shy and awkward.
Times like this I feel nothing but hate towards myself
This was days ago and I'm still tired and aching. It's like a bomb goes off in me and my body has to heal again after.
I'm going to rest again now I'm super tired right now x
Hi Goosey!
I hope you're doing okay after the traumatic experience you went through. I almost never answer the door, much too stressful for me. You did a great job and I hope you're feeling better now.
I'll get the Community Manager to check in with you just to make sure you're doing all right.
Take care Goosey.