Therapy

I got refused all avenues for anything other than counselling, which I was also refused from after my initial appointment, because I was too acute for the talking therapies team and not in enough immediate danger/too autistic (I had two different explanations for that refusal) for the more serious mental health team.

However the crisis text line 'shout' gave me a lot of self help resources which eventually after it became clear that CBT wasn't working terribly well for me started giving me DBT resources. When I looked it up it said it's usually hard to do by yourself, but it worked much better for me, because it was about working around and through distressing emotions rather than trying to stop the distressing emotions themselves, as I have had absolutely no success at that at all.

It's usually only offered for people with personality disorders, but there are resources out there that you can start with if you want to give it a go. But it took a super long time to get to work so persistence is required.

Actions and solutions is what I tend to seek too and standard therapy doesn't provide that. Like you, every time I have had a course of CBT it's done more harm than good.

However I don't agree that the generalisation about therapy being designed for women can be applied to the autistic population. According to research between 50-85% of autistic people have Alexithymia, difficulties in identifying and describing feelings. Therefore talking about feelings and emotions becomes extremely difficult, no matter what gender.

https://neuroclastic.com/alexithymia-and-autism-what-its-like-to-not-know-how-you-feel/

Concrete action and solutions has always been what I've been looking for in therapy and I've been frustrated when I couldn't find it. I wonder if therapists would be any better once I pass as male.

I found a book in the library on solution focused therapy which sounds interesting.

I've seen about a dozen different therapists of various styles and all have been useless tbh. What happens every time is I spend a few weeks answering so their questions and then they say "We've gone as far as we can" or similar and end the sessions. I don't know what the trick is to get any actual help.

I see an autism specialist therapist… and to be honest she has been life changing. I’ve had CBT in the past that did not work for me. I think finding the right person and the right kind of therapist is difficult but my god so worthwhile if it can be done. Therapy has been the best possible thing for me. Good luck in your search for the right person for you :) 

Wow, why didn’t I find this before!?

Thank you so much!

I was quite lucky because it was a recommendation from someone I knew at the time.

There's a directory for neurodivergent therapists: neurodivergenttherapists.com/

Interesting, how did you find an autistic therapist?

I couldn’t even find one with expertise or experience of autism.

I saw a YouTube video recently that said the entire therapy industry is really designed for women. Talking about feelings is of less value to men. What we need is concrete action and solutions.

I’m minded to agree.

i got reffered to a work therapy thing through my work, but that was useless and i didnt want to speak to them anyway, talking doesnt work. 

I had CBT on two separate occasions and I didn't feel much different. I didn't feel I was properly processing anything I was talking about.

I've been having person-centred therapy since March with someone who's also autistic. I've felt like it's better for me in terms of processing things and understanding them, plus we get along so I look forward to speaking to them.

I guess it has been better to not rush into solutions and I much prefer the approach of not being given homework! But yeah, there's a lot that I don't think I would have understood if they hadn't asked questions etc.