Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm interested in whether anyone here has dated before and what your experience had been.
I've never dated but I want to and then I don't want to because I'm so anxious all the time and it gets in the way of most things in my life. I've been wanting to date since I was 20 and now I'm nearing the end of my 20s.
In those years I've never dated anyone. I don't have any friends. I hardly go out and I'm so anxious all the time.
I worry about what will happen when my family are gone. I don't want to end up alone for the rest of my life but the chances of me dating are so slim and then there's no guarantee it would work out for me anyway.
I will be 49 this year and have to confess that I am somewhat out of touch with the world of dating, partly due to health issues and decreased confidence. However, during my late teens, 20s, and 30s, I was no stranger to it.
In my experience, although dating can be fun and enjoyable, it can also be rather stressful due to so many unwritten rules that one is apparently meant to know. Things may have changed, but if one happened to be female, one of the rules was to play 'hard to get' because it was all about the 'thrill of the chase'. For example, if one had seen or spoken with the person one was dating, one had to wait at least a couple of days before having any further contact with them, so as not to appear too keen. Personally, I considered some of the unspoken rules to be rather ridiculous and unnecessary.
One thing that proved to be invaluable to me when I was dating was having at least one trusted friend. Having notched up a fair few dating disasters and failed relationships, my friends were the ones who provided me with a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, and basically helped to put me back together again when I was left feeling broken-hearted.
For now, my advice would be to focus on trying to establish at least one trusted friendship, before rushing into the world of dating.
How did you make friends what's your secret? Sometimes I feel like I'm the worst person in the world because it feels like no one ever wants to be my friend. I'm so socially awkward though I think I don't try that hard, or maybe I overthink it and that's what goes wrong. Then I wonder if I'd be able to keep a friend. Relationships of any kind are so stressful and I think about it all the time wondering if I could do it.
I'm sorry you've had disasters over the years. But I'm glad you've had friends you could turn to. Everyone needs someone to turn to, I've got the Samaritans ha but a proper friend would be better.
I did check out local groups a while ago but nothing appealed to me. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for anything that I might enjoy and hopefully it will lead to something.
As I'm sure you know, ASD affects us all differently. Whilst I have social anxieties, I can usually cope okay one-to-one with people.
However, I think my ability to form friendships is down to luck more than anything else.