Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm interested in whether anyone here has dated before and what your experience had been.
I've never dated but I want to and then I don't want to because I'm so anxious all the time and it gets in the way of most things in my life. I've been wanting to date since I was 20 and now I'm nearing the end of my 20s.
In those years I've never dated anyone. I don't have any friends. I hardly go out and I'm so anxious all the time.
I worry about what will happen when my family are gone. I don't want to end up alone for the rest of my life but the chances of me dating are so slim and then there's no guarantee it would work out for me anyway.
I have but never deliberately. What happens over and over again is that I think I've made a friend and then suddenly they're trying to stick their tongue down my throat. I don't know how your supposed to tell something is a date vs hanging out.
I wouldn't know the difference between that either. I'm sorry that must be so uncomfortable and frightening to go through.
I guess upon first meeting you can say that you're just here to hang out and chat casually, that way the person you're with would know how things stand with you. What's obvious to us isn't always obvious to neurotypicals so it can be helpful to explain to them sometimes.
MrSolo said: I don't know how your supposed to tell something is a date vs hanging out.
Asking is a blunt but effective way to find out. Oh and make sure you have brushed your teeth and used mouthwash please - bad breath is a terrible turn off.
Just say something like "hey, I feel there is some chemistry here but I didn't want to hurt the friendship unless you feel the same - how do you feel about it?"
This is direct (while also being subtle enough not to elicit a strong negative response if you mis-read things), is open ended so they then do the talking (or if they behave shy, making eyes at you then it is an invite for you to compliment them more and move things along slowly) and asks them to show their feelings which is typically one of the hardest things for us to gague.
If you think the time is right to move in for a kiss, it is always worth giving them a heads up - just say quietly but confidently "I'm going to kiss you now" as you lean in, but be prepared for some resistance and don't be offended by it. This can be part of the "game" where you need to talk to them more, complimement them and generally try to win them over before "earning" the kiss.
It isn't called the dating game for nothing...
The rewards outweigh the work to learn the rules and suffer a few rejections however.