Published on 12, July, 2020
When it was first suggested to me that I might be autistic I began watching various autistic influencers on YouTube and read books by similar people.
But one glaring thing stuck out for me, and I’ve just come across another example. Specifically, these influencers without exception seem to be married, be in a relationship, have children.
And yet for me the single most life-ruining aspect of my condition is my utter inability to form relationships. It’s like everyone else has telepathy and I don’t. I thought this was one of the defining characteristics of autism.
So are these high profile authors and videographers representative of autistic people or am I the sad exception?
Amerantin (former member) said:So are these high profile authors and videographers representative of autistic people or am I the sad exception?
i think what happens is the autists who are married and/or have kids are probably in the following categories:
1 - their presentation of autism is not affecting their abilities to communicate with others at a relationship level and this also helps them with presenting well on video (ie a degree of charisma).
2 - their partners have helped them adapt and possibly mask well enough to be able to present on video
3 - Their autistic traits are in very different areas to yours and this enables them to communicate well on video while having a relationship but possibly suffering terribly in other areas.
It seems to be the nature of a spectrum condition that the third point is the most likely,
I fit all 3:
Iain said:1 - their presentation of autism is not affecting their abilities to communicate with others at a relationship level and this also helps them with presenting well on video (ie a degree of charisma). 2 - their partners have helped them adapt and possibly mask well enough to be able to present on video 3 - Their autistic traits are in very different areas to yours and this enables them to communicate well on video while having a relationship but possibly suffering terribly in other areas.
I am married and have a kid, my trade off for having more "gift of the gab" and more tone/facial/bodylangueage reading and being able to communcate well one to one all the time I'm not in a burnout, shutdown, meltdown or gone nonverbal seems to have been in the sensory department and executive function, my eyes don't like light at all (all screens are on dark mode, and I'd be nocturnal if I could), I hear every sound in the surrounding area, feel like physically collapsing into a ball at the sound of a hoover or car breaks squealing, I can't hear a single individual person in a crowd, and I have to wear eardefenders if anyone has sports on the TV because I hate the sound of the crowds in the stands. I physically cannot do a 5 day week because of how quickly I fatigue, and I have no routine if things I have to do aren't put on a calendar because aside from washing my hands and making a cup of tea when thirsty I have no autopilot.Having the ability to communicate has been the absolute key to coordinating with the otherhalf ways to "help me to help you" to build up my functioning over time.But I still couldn't be on camera, it's like a big strangers eye that I have to look into and I cannot look into the eyes of strangers longer than a few seconds for at least the first few meetings and that's only people I can build a sense of trust with to make eye contact easier, I could never build that sense of trust and feel safe with a souless camera.