Published on 12, July, 2020
I find it incredible, at my tender age that not only I'm autistic but also that I still get anxious at large gatherings. I've been to plenty of parties, anniversaries, weddings and funerals, and yet I've never been able to accustom to these things. Our yearly family party is coming up next month and God am I feeling the anxiety rush already! I love seeing the family, especially my grandkids but my God the idea of so many people and all that noise all at once is utterly petrifying.
I'll cope - I always do, I'm going to pour a wee whiskey and then I will hide in my study with my books. Quite nice actually, my grandson Matthew always joins me in my study - too young for the whiskey but he loves reading, in to all the classics. Ah-ha top lad!
This is my way of surviving a party. Show your face for five minutes, pretend to smile, laugh at jokes you don't understand and then when everyone gets bored with you and goes off to drink and talk with more interesting people, hide in your study - and don't forget the whiskey!
Sounds like a good plan :-)
Anxiety about such gatherings doesn't reduce by repeated exposure to them. That is a myth. They tend to not get any easier for autists as we still have the same social struggles, the same sensory overwhelm from the noise and multiple conversations all at once. Studies have shown that autistic people do not habituate to sound by repeated exposure the way non autistic do. In fact sensory sensitivities can worsen as we get older.
I've noticed this with a lot of things as well Autonomistic
Like going shopping. No matter how much I do it I never get used to different surroundings and new people
Constant anxiety all the time
I'm not sure exposure to things always works like a lot of professional say it does.
Yes anxiety in autistic people is sadly misunderstood by a lot of professionals.
Exposure is only going to work if the anxiety is irrational. If you go into a situation and find that it isn't as bad as you feared, that what you feared might happen didn't, then anxiety will reduce the next time.
However autistic people can experience anxiety that is rational, such as going into situations that will almost certainly trigger sensory overwhelm. If every repeated experience is every bit as bad as you feared then that isn't going to reduce the anxiety and will likely increase it. It can be useful in gradual small steps, as long as the exposure doesn't reach the point of overwhelm.
For shopping what works for me is going at quieter times and always using earplugs when going into a shop. I focus straight ahead on where I am going and what I need to buy, ignoring as far as possible any people in my immediate surroundings. If it gets too noisy or overwhelming, rather than forcing myself to endure it, I calmly place down my basket somewhere and leave the store. Usually I return 10-15 minutes later and my shopping will be still where I left it. Just knowing you are in control and can leave when you want to helps enormously.
If you haven't read it already I recommend the book 'Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults' by Dr Luke Beardon.
Thank you for posting that. That is exactly what I have been doing for the last 49 years. It’s only the last 8-9 months that I have started to break everything down that I realised how truly anxious I feel about these situations. I am now at a stage where we have a party invitation in November and I’m already going over possible scenarios and conversations, the thoughts generally tend to be negative and me trying to figure out how to get through it. Why do I continue to put myself through this and how have I managed it up to this point. Avoidance sounds amazing but I have a family to keep happy so need to find some sort of balance I guess. Old Timer, I love that you have your sanctuary in your study with all the provisions you need to get yourself through a social minefield…. I don’t like whiskey too much but I might stash some pistachio vodka in a quiet spot along with some short term survival gear.