Published on 12, July, 2020
Me -yep, plenty.
Music is one of the few things that keeps me alive. I sometimes contemplate the concerts I got dragged to by my partner at the time, as a youngster in the 80s.
I was there but not there, if you get me. While the thousands in the crowd at Manchester Apollo jumped out of their seats, punching the air, making devil horns, playing air-guitars and head-banging - I stood there like a block of wood feeling super mega uncomfortable and bewildered. I would always white out and can't remember a single thing from any of those gigs. All I also remember from Donington back then were the awful horrendous toilets and the panic about getting back through a ginormous sea of tens of thousands of people to get back to my partner! Why didn't I take photos? Keep souvenirs? - I have no idea, other than that I was there, but not there.
I came across some photos online a few months back that someone had uploaded from Donington at that time and weirdly (in a where's waldo moment), I was able to pick us out in the ginormous crowd of teeny tiny people!! And yet, I remember almost nothing about it!
Pity I can't go back though with the knowledge I have now!
i dunno, i dont think i have regrets so to say as i know that id have done nothing different anyway or couldnt have. whatever i did i did and anyone would have done based on lifes course. i believe everyone starts the same, then its a matter of life shaping you and in life shaping you it sets who you are and how you react. id have done the same, anyone would have done the same, nothing would be different if i did over or if another person was put in my life. therefore there can be no regrets as its just the way it is.if i did do things differently it probably would have been wrong, or bad, or worse.although we can think on all the stuff we missed out on that other people had, but they are not really regrets, we wouldnt have done or been able to do that stuff anyway, whatever it is you missed that others had.
I remember playing in those trash piles. My favourite toys were dead cats and used needles. I had to ran away from muggers and child rapists. Once, I spent all morning playing around a passed out junkie, before somebody noticed that he actually OD'ed while we were playing football next to his corpse.I am pretty sure that if I had anything more resembling a human childhood I would not be such an horrible person. I know that I actually decided to become an horrible person around 1995, but that's not the point.
Jeez, holy cr*p, that's DARK. Sorry you went through that. No-one's coming out of that okay. I've been through a lot of awful stuff & consider myself well and truly ****ed up, but what you describe is in a whole other league.