Feeling very alone

Something thst i asked my brother last week was, do you get lonely? He replied no. I was suprised, because i thought he did. He has very little social intetaction. He has had a recent diagnosis as Autistic aged 60. 

So i realised, what i "think" someone is feeling is not necessarily true. Just because i recognise lonliness it doesnt mean he is feeling that way, if that makes sense? 

This may be of help:

improvinglivesnw.org.uk/.../

well it seems by evolution that being a subservient fluffy household domestic pet cat is better. you get someone to look after you and all your needs are met by doing nothing but looking cute. and your not too ferocious to put people off.

Hi, Making friends is easy, meeting people you can be friends with is hard. That has been my experience. I had no friends at all at school. Only made friends at university as I ended up meeting likeminded people. However unless lucky enough to come across likeminded people (and I now realise my university was very well suited for this- and it is so much easier to meet people through shared interests.). I have recently actually started a PhD and it is very hard to meet new people, especially as it can take a lot of effort to put yourself into an environment where there is even a chance of meeting someone. Could your son maybe meet people through his interests (eg. art)? I know it can be so hard to push yourself to go somewhere where you might people, especially when the chances of coming across a suitable friend are low. I was lucky that I didn't conciously have to try and meet people at uni- it just happened through my course and activities like attending talks on science. However I am now also in a position where I need to try harder to be in a situation where I might meet people. At this very moment I am procrastinating on going out to a Fresher's fair where there is a chance I could actually meet someone. Friendships cannot be forced and the good thing is that making friends itself is really really easy when it is someone you get along with well- would never have thought I would say this as I had 0 friends at school and thought I was just completely getting it wrong and not trying hard enough. Reassure your son that he can make friends. 

can i point out its a very good positive that your son wants to willingly go back into education. thats a good sign, and because he wants friends, very good.

i didnt go into education after school, i was put off by everything and went into years of isolation. part of what broke my isolation is that desire for friends. if your son is at that stage and doesnt have that shut in isolation aspect i believe its looking good for him. he should be able to progress in life at this stage instead of blowing most of it and only progressing at middle age.

so its pretty positive from what i see. im not sure about education options as i never really did education stuff though. but yeah he can probably also likely get a job with a agency pretty easy and make it into the workplace and attain friends there and progress in life without a education anyway. but again, its very positive he wants to get out there and do something and has that desire for friends to drive him.

Holy carp batman !!!  That is too horrific !!!!!!

Let me know when you've seen it.........I feel I might want to take it down !  I should have given myself a trigger warning !!!!

Desmond79 said:

Sometimes, being a Lone Wolf is better.

Sometimes, only a grey haired tiger is the right thing to be !

TRIGGER WARNING - Hide Hope's little face mate......she may not like my kitty !

Hello 89219, I am Number.

I am going to suggest that you re-post this thread in the "Parents and Carers" section of the forum because you are more likely to encounter the people you are searching for.

I'm going to try and navigate you to where I think you should be......bare with me......this isn't my forte ;

(1) Click back to home (where it says "recent forum posts" underneath the bigger title that says "The Autism Community")

(2) When you are on this page, look for the section that says "Topics" (it might be a pull down menu or just be a rectangle on your PC = it depends on your device make and model)

(3) When you have found the "Topics", scroll down and click on "Parents and carers" = it will then only show recent posts in the parents and carers section - but blink and you'll miss the change - it is a barely discernible change.

(4) When you are in the "Parents and Carers" topic screen, click on "Start a discussion" and re-type (or cut and past) your words like you did before to start this thread.

That should help you get some better responses that just me and Desmond (although we are tour de forces on Farm Fresh Milk matters.)

And just before you go.....do please look after yourself.  It is good that you are seeking help for yourself.  Please remember yourself.  I am 99% sure that your son will feel happier himself if he knows that you are a little happier in yourself.  Perhaps ask him that?  Moody lonely 17 year old lads with a bundle of labels need not necessarily be that complex in their needs and wants........and the thing that bothers them most, is other people!  If he is mean to you, he doesn't mean it.  If he is a burden, help him to help you lighten it a little - I am 99% sure that your son can be made to see the autistic utility of such an approach.

Kindest regards to you both.

Number.

Maybe, perhaps, school isn't the right environment for him. My brother was in the same situation, at that age, but found Tech, and an employability programme, to be better for his needs. He graduated during lockdown, just shy of a First. Now he has his own project.

Sometimes, being a Lone Wolf is better.