Published on 12, July, 2020
I tried telling my parents how much I hate change, but they couldn't comprehend how it affects me. I hate change so much I go above and beyond to ensure things don't change.
My transition from teen to adult me was hard, my voice has changed and so has my appearance which is normal, of course, but I still struggle with it. I've taken to not changing my hairstyle again now and I rarely use my voice because it sounds "wrong" to me. My voice didn't exist anymore.
Eating different foods is difficult. Normally I can't bring myself to do it, so I try to stick to the same things like Warburtons rolls with strawberry jam. I'm told it's not enough but I've eaten it my whole life and I'm not going to let that change.
Reading became hard because the books got wear and tear, this was unbearable for me and caused a meltdown, so now I've sold all my books and have a Kindle. I know I'll have to replace it one day but at least all my books will never get old and show the wear and tear.
Seeing my family grow older and change is the worst thing of all for me.
My mum doesn't look like my mum anymore, and my dad is the same. It's grim, everyone's changing and my brain can't process what it's seeing. I know it's normal, it's life, but I can't accept it and accept that this is change.
I've told my counsellor but she just agrees and says I need to try to accept it, she's not a lot of help really but she's the only counsellor available.
Change is natural to everybody but not me, I can't look past it.
I can relate to that. I think very sudden changes are always difficult to deal with.
Even changes that might actually be good (or turn out to be), I'm resistant to, because it's just another thing to think about.
When I was 13, I began growing facial hair. I had a very visible goatee. I hated it; I hated being the only one in my year group with a beard as it drew more attention to me.