Published on 12, July, 2020
There is something I noticed both on RL ASD and on the online ASD I met: total naivety. Almost all ASD act and think like they never interacted with the grit of the real world. Some of them can be quite smart and learned, but their way of thinking is 95% theory and propaganda and maybe 5% observable reality. I always ended throwing my hands up and going away, there is no point in trying to relate to somebody living in a different planet. I really wonder how they managed to reach adult age, they were so incredibly vulnerable that they could not survive in a real job environment. No wonder why the vast majority of ASD are either unemployed or underemployed, and why 80% of ASD live with their parents or in a council housing.
Sometimes I had to talk with an ASD with passable intelligence, but I had to talk with them like I was talking with a five years old. I had to say things like: "Mate, they have scammed you, the planned that from the start" or "Mate, they are not laughing with you, they are laughing AT you". It was like talking to a wall, they did not listen.
On the contrary, I think that naivety is the only thing that keeps many ASD alive. Probably they are just too naive and isolated from the real world to understand how bad the world really is. I pride myself of not being naive, but that puts me apart from the vast majority of the ASD. Maybe it was because I was not aware of my diagnosis and I had to live like an NT for all my life? By the way, I wonder how many of the locals here have a real house and a real job. I bet less than 10%.
I would really like to have an idea about that. How many of the people I interacted with here are unemployed, living on benefits or SAHM?
I'm a homeowner (joint mortgage with a long-term partner) and I work full-time.
I'm not particularly naive either. My own mostly-ND social circle outside of this forum tends towards the cynical and suspicious- we can't tell what other people are going to do, so we assume the worst based on past experience. To be honest though, I don't think that's necessarily any better than being naive, because it can be a bit miserable to always wonder what people want from you.
Regardless... does it really matter if other autistic people are unable to work? Does it matter, outside of the important stuff like finances, if they're a bit naive or don't know the things you know? I don't think it does- at least, it shouldn't. They're still human beings who deserve kindness and respect.
I was just wondering if I ended up with especially dysfunctional people, or if they were a faithful rendition of the ND universe. I am not interested in dealing with pathologically naïve welfare recipients, but they were the majority of the people attending ASD meetups and events. I think that I wasted my time in there.
battybats said:They're still human beings who deserve kindness and respect.
I treat fellow humans with the same kindness and respect I was given when I was vulnerable, and that amount is zero.
So you're paying it forward, are you?
Can we not break this toxic chain reaction?
I for one can say that, after some 70 years of life it gets easier to put oneself out there. We develop the skills to ward off toxic interactions when we experience and learn from them. I make many mistakes in character judgement but rarely repeat the same mistake in judgment once I could recognize it. People have "tells". My greatest weakness is still with narcissists. I grew up with 2 parents like that and it still feels like a normal I know, pathological as it may seem to others.
The big trick and challenge is to find the balance between being available to others for fellowship while holding firm to boundaries once we know how to develop them. I would say it's the question of boundaries which is most difficult: where do I begin? what's expected of me? Is that reasonable?, What is reasonable? How do I feel physically when near this person?
I look for consistency in behavior. I have to watch and know someone for some time before I feel safe with them and approach or to feel safe and valued when approached.