Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 26 and it seems I can't even make a single decision without consulting them first.
I'm in the process of getting braces, and their first port of call is to talk me out of it. Yes, I had them before (only the 'clear' kind) and I wasn't happy with them, hence this. I couldn't even buy a new bike for my birthday because my dad was like "people will try and steal it from you". I have never had anyone even try stealing my bike off me. If they didn't do it when I was 13, why would they at 26?
Before anyone says "they're just looking out for you":
Is it looking out for me when my mum says "something went wrong in your brain when you were born" in front of me and my dad sits there like nothing happened?
Is it looking out for me when my mum would open post addressed to me?
Is it looking out for me when, when I was on anti-depressants, they'd just tell me to stop because they didn't see the point? Yes there were side-effects and I stopped eventually but I should have made that decision on my own terms.
Is it looking out for me when, when I signed up to an advocacy service, they pleaded with me to tell them I didn't want it because, in their eyes, "they tear families apart"?
I'm tired. I keep thinking I can do self-advocacy but nothing works. Nothing gets through to them. I have tried absolutely everything, I've written stuff out, I've tried to force myself to have a meltdown so they'd listen. I'd start punching myself in the face when I'm angry so they took it seriously.
I can't manage my anger and frustration no matter how much I try. Yet at the same time, I know I wouldn't cope on my own. I can barely cope here.
I'd rather a third party come in and help sort things out but there doesn't appear to be many of those services.
My son is about your age and yes, this is infantilising. When I was in my late 20's I read a book by two Christian therapists, Cloud/Townsend, on raising boys as I was concerned for his well being and toxic masculinity. It helped me understand when my inclination as a mother was unhelpful in his becoming a man. These aren't principles of parenting we are actively taught.
You could, buy them the book if they came from a bit of a church background, it's not really too religious.
Opening another adults mail is illegal. You don't have to advocate further, just politely inform every time it happens and matter-of-factly let them know this is a police matter if they protest (trying to help is unhelpful). And affording DIGNITY is free. It costs us nothing other than a little conscious thought and internal discipline of stopping ourselves, which usually helps us become less controlling and more attractive to the world around.
"affording dignity is free" - also an easy FYI, practice saying this without too much intensity. It can be hard to afford others something not afforded to you, but this is a key element in becoming a human others regard as considerate, reliable and kind.
The issues you're up against have nothing to do with being or not being autistic. They're matters of respect and of ethics.
If parents are investing in things, they tend to have a say. We can examine the royal family to see how this works with a good deal of wealth.
You won't know if you can survive on your own until you try. What's the worst that could happen?
yeah i dont even know what toxic masculinity is because even if you raise a kid as a gentleman or whatever.... people say being a gentleman is toxic masculinity too.... so you cant win on that, it seems like its all just hate on a man for being a man, no matter what your son does he will be considered toxic by this mindset just for being a male. seems like a radical feminist thing that spread the idea of toxic masculinity.
im gonna go on to trees and seeds again as i have been doing for a while now in everything lol..... anyway.... its like planting a see in hopes to grow a tree, but then you say you want to raise that tree to not be a tree because you hate trees and think trees are toxic.... it will still become a tree no matter what, and you will just end up chopping it down when you see it growing into the tree it will become, or you will have to accept that a tree is a tree and you planted it, you cant change the tree into anything else..... well you can i suppose when you chop it down, you can then turn the lumber into a chair or a table.... well damn thats my point ruined lol ...but yeah, when you do that the tree is dead and chopped down, no longer grows anyway. so i suppose that might save my point there.