Published on 12, July, 2020
Does this make any kind of sense to anyone?
For me, society seems to be present me with a choice
1. Act normal, uptight and be accepted on the surface, as a walk down the street, but feel depressed, isolated because I have internally obliterated some of the essential quirky parts of my character.
2. Relax, act a bit quirky, and have people avoid me in the street, and be treated like some kind of rapist, mad animal or wierd alien sub-species.
From my own perspective, it seems that people outside have this extra, unnecessary layer, that is like an armed militaristic assault vehicle designed to convince people of their social status - it makes them seem fake, uptight and often rather reactionary, even if they identify as progressive or left wing, because they can't see past their social conditioning needs, that they push in my face at every possible mimenf. If I try to conform to their behaviours of physical uptightness, pushing out my personality like some kind of armed militaristic assault vehicle then my body has to become extremely tense indeed, it's like I'm absorbing all their uptightness, and externally I seem to go to the extreme of their behaviour and often appear robotic or irritable or unreasonably idealistic.
So, that's my dilemma either become robotic or be treated like a potential alien-weirdo-rapist.
Sound familiar, or not?
Why would you include 'rapist' as a description? As long as you're not raping/have raped/are threatening to rape people - you won't be treated like one.
Walking alone, in the countryside as a single male, does see me treated (in the first instance) as a rapist/murderer......in my experience.
That's quite sad Number, but I know where Debbie (hibernating) is coming from, though just being my curious self I think my first thought would be to look for your dog, as most folks I see out walking in the countryside are walking the dog.
WiredDifferently said:partly the lack of space, if like me you’re 6’2” and walk like a combination of Ja Ja Binns and The Jolly Green giant, with a loping gait, and a habit of sighing loudly as I’m walking along, then the suspicions start to rise alarmingly.
Funny!
I'm considered "big" by most and "frightening" by many. I tend to walk often with the speed and intensity of a "guilty" man who looks like he is getting away from somewhere asap, but without drawing attention by running.
I'd be wary of me approaching in an underpass or lonely woodland!
I am constantly on high alert to try and reassure people as quickly as possible....but naturally, any such effort can equally heighten their arm or concern.
There is no winning way of doing right......but then you already know that.
Yeah, totally relate to that, people viewing single males as some kind of threat by default, and that’s a big pity because the biggest healing factor in my life has been walking in parks and the countryside where I can depressurise and let organic processes in me come and go in their natural rhythm. It lets my brain and body return to their natural state.
But in most towns and places, if I go to the park alone, people look at me like a rapist or a peado, because I’m not walking a dog or looking after my children, I’m just there enjoying the ducks and the geese and the swans and the trees and the squirrels and grass and trees and sunshine - what a nutter! definitely must be something wrong with him.
Strangely enough, the only place I find this doesn’t happen much is London, which is an absolute godsend from my point of view, as its where I live. I think in such a densely packed and chaotic place there is some kind of acknowledgement that people have to get out, and London being what it is, there is a great deal of diversity who live in the place - people who are alone, people who are with groups, people of all types of sexualities and races, people who dress totally way out, people who dress ultra conservative - it’s sort of an overwhelming mixture, but gives a sense of freedom, people are sort of allowed to be who they want to be, within limits. It’s either that, or the feeling of “I’ll never see these people again, so who cares.”
However, that said, walking on the street, people seem to get a lot more uptight / aggressive / suspicious - particularly at night for obvious reasons, I guess its partly the lack of space, if like me you’re 6’2” and walk like a combination of Ja Ja Binns and The Jolly Green giant, with a loping gait, and a habit of sighing loudly as I’m walking along, then the suspicions start to rise alarmingly.