Published on 12, July, 2020
Does this make any kind of sense to anyone?
For me, society seems to be present me with a choice
1. Act normal, uptight and be accepted on the surface, as a walk down the street, but feel depressed, isolated because I have internally obliterated some of the essential quirky parts of my character.
2. Relax, act a bit quirky, and have people avoid me in the street, and be treated like some kind of rapist, mad animal or wierd alien sub-species.
From my own perspective, it seems that people outside have this extra, unnecessary layer, that is like an armed militaristic assault vehicle designed to convince people of their social status - it makes them seem fake, uptight and often rather reactionary, even if they identify as progressive or left wing, because they can't see past their social conditioning needs, that they push in my face at every possible mimenf. If I try to conform to their behaviours of physical uptightness, pushing out my personality like some kind of armed militaristic assault vehicle then my body has to become extremely tense indeed, it's like I'm absorbing all their uptightness, and externally I seem to go to the extreme of their behaviour and often appear robotic or irritable or unreasonably idealistic.
So, that's my dilemma either become robotic or be treated like a potential alien-weirdo-rapist.
Sound familiar, or not?
Iain said:I found that you don't need to mask to behave exactly like them
That's an individual thing though - because you can, it doesn't mean others can too.
I can't behave exactly like 'normal' people without 'masking'.
I Sperg said:And don't forget I had no idea until a couple of years ago that I was Autistic, and all the normies could tell me was that "i wasn't quiet right in the head" or "you don't do the right things".
That may be part of the issue for people like us diagnosed so late.
Without the knowledge of why we are like we are, then conscious 'masking' has been beyond us.
I feel like I've spent my whole life dodging bullets.
I can't behave exactly like 'normal' people without 'masking'
I did say that you could dial down the masking to stop the most obvious of your traits - finding out what level that is normaly takes someone to help as judging it ourselves is rarely effective.
If you can find a level that works and you have the confidence to be that slightly "quirky" person then it is my experience that you can save a lot of energy compared to full on masking (ie trying to be just like them).
Now you have been diagnosed you understant the nature of masking so I would suggest using that knowledge to build a different masking technique, one that is much lower maintenance and where you can slip it on and off with ease.
I appreciate it may not work for all, but what is to be lost by giving it a try?
I Sperg said:Sorry to be rude, Iain but this is utter crap. The N.T.'s ALWAYS sniff you out after a time.
Sorry to be rude, Iain but this is utter crap.
The N.T.'s ALWAYS sniff you out after a time.
To be fair, WiredDifferenty was talking about walking down the street and my response was to that scenario, not workplace integration.
Spending a lot of time with a disparate group of people who are not your friends is always going to be a challenge for us but there are skills to be learned to cope with this too. Learning to be condident in spite of having a-holes try to pick away at you is one of them.
Doing this without knowledge of your autism is going to make this very hard to do, but once you do know and you can empower yourself with confidence to stand up for yourself and call them out when it happens - you can make a lot of progress.
I never said it would be easy though - and not everyone is up for that fight.
Iain said:I did say that you could dial down the masking to stop the most obvious of your traits -
I wish you were right but I'm afraid this presumption is incorrect.
I have no idea what is masking and what is just 'me'.
It's been too many decades for me to be able to make that distinction.
Iain said:If you can find a level that works and you have the confidence to be that slightly "quirky" person then it is my experience that you can save a lot of energy compared to full on masking (ie trying to be just like them).
I've spent my whole life being a lot more than 'slightly quirky'!
I think your advice might be more suitable for a young person.
I have rarely tried to 'fit in' with regard to society so have spent my life outside looking in, mostly.
Iain said:Now you have been diagnosed you understant the nature of masking so I would suggest using that knowledge to build a different masking technique, one that is much lower maintenance and where you can slip it on and off with ease.
Iain, your experience of a late autism diagnosis has been very different to mine.
Although you think that the above statement about me is correct, it actually isn't and I don't and I can't.
You and me thrice
Thank you.
I wish you were right but I'm afraid this presumption is incorrect. I have no idea what is masking and what is just 'me'. It's been too many decades for me to be able to make that distinction.
Yes me too. For those of us diagnosed later in life masking was never a conscious thing that we chose to do. I would have much preferred to have been diagnosed early and had that choice.
It links in with another current discussion on masking. Much of it starts very early in childhood and happens on an unconscious level. I've reposted the Kieran Rose video, which explains it much better than I can.
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/33766/masking-or/322099#322099
I'll steal a technique from my therapist and ask "can't or won't?"