Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m a 49 year old man and I was diagnosed with ASD last year, my ASD is pretty much textbook Asperger’s, high functioning, organised, sensitive to bright light, sudden noises and unexpected events.
I have become increasingly aware of my difficulties navigating societal expectations and the inconsistencies of the world we live in, like many people with ASD, I need clear instructions and rely on a self built framework to understand the world.
This morning I attempted to discuss a particular topical issue with my partner (who is neurotypical as far as we know) with familiarly unsuccessful results! So I thought I’d talk to the ASD community about it instead…
There are so many inconsistencies in society with regard to behaviour, the most obvious example as I see it are football managers can (and do) scream and shout and swear at referees regularly but if I raise my voice I’m committing ‘common assault’. I could write a huge list of similar inconsistencies, The BBC has a very clear agenda towards equality and inclusivity which is commendable but they promote and televise horse racing which is blatant animal cruelty…I really could go on and on!..
But focussing on this mornings topic, which is the disparity and inconsistency between two events, the first being the recent worldwide shaming of Luis Rubiales (President of Spanish football who kissed a player on the lips during the World Cup celebrations), the second being a conversation between my partners Sister and her male friend, where he openly talked about his masturbation routine.
I am really struggling to understand how the former is an offence resulting in criminal prosecution for sexual assault and Rubiales being forced to resign and being publicly shamed, and the latter being ‘just a conversation between two friends’.
Why aren’t both events treated the same way? I fully understand that there are differences in circumstances, but what is the criteria for judgement? Rubiales knew the woman he kissed and it was something that appeared to happen spontaneously in a moment of shared euphoria, in that context I feel that he’s been harshly treated, however, if society says that his actions where unconsentual and therefore ‘assault’…OK, I understand, the parameter is consent…but my sisters friend hadn’t been given consent to reveal information of a sexual nature…but this is considered perfectly acceptable…so it isn’t about consent then?
So I asked what the difference is, and I was told one event was colleagues and the other friends…so it’s about the relationship status (colleague or friend) Meaning if you know someone well enough to consider them a friend you can say anything to them, regardless of it’s appropriateness? Surely not.
Personally I should add, I wouldn’t kiss a woman on the lips without consent or reveal information of my sexual activity to a woman! Because I wouldn’t feel comfortable with either and I would consider both acts inappropriate.
it’s a minefield out there! And there’s no map, no consistency, and seemingly no logic to it.
I would really love to hear from others about this, with ASD or not, sadly I can’t talk to my partner about it because it descends into an argument where I’m accused of overthinking or my confusion and need for an explanation/discussion is simply dismissed.
Craig
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Racism, homophobia and sexism are very important matters.
I like to understand who thinks what and why. I want to learn.
Some people are inclined and skilled at speaking with (or to) a mass audience, whereas I am not.
Some people are inclined and skilled at communicating via the current keyboard broadcast methodological Zeitgeist, whereas I am not.
The written word, in public fora, is my least reliable and least efficient mode of outward communication.
When I "challenge", it is in person, either 1-2-1 or in a small group where there is, at least, the slimmest hope that either myself, or my interlocutors, will be prompted into change through a dialogue and the physical presence of our beings.
That's just how I am Debbie.
Thanks for the tips.
Number said:I love words .... but they are on a very narrow bandwidth of communication in my opinion.
While they are narrow, they are easily crafted at leisure and can wield the surgical precision of scalpels.
That said, many posters here struggle with grammar, syntax and content which make them a challenging medium if you expect precision and accuracy.
The key seems to be reading the audience and adjusting your expectation and styles to suit.
As "there is more complexity in our limited understanding of reality, Number ---than we could possibly imagine" this bloke called NAS86592 just wrote
I love words .... but they are on a very narrow bandwidth of communication in my opinion.
The plethora of other aspects of communication both between ourselves (as humans) and with our cousins (the animals) and whomever or whatever else you feel you communicate with.....has been sidelined and deemed less important than I personally believe them to be.
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio .... than are dreamt of in your philosophy" as a bloke called Will, once wrote down.
I am the opposite, I need time to gather my thoughts which is why I am useless thinking on my feet. I much prefer the written word. Can you imagine me --an autistic trying to cold call as a bed salesman. lol I was hopeless. I was desperate for a job at that time so I got this commission only position. I never sold a single bed but I did learn a lesson how unsuitable I was as a salesman.