Published on 12, July, 2020
All her life my daughter has fought the stigma that being Autistic was defined as, first a "learning disabilty" and now a "disability". It has destroyed her life, made her feel inferior and sapped her self confidence. Then to see the BBC describe autism as a "lifelong disability" made me furious. Then to find that the source of this bigotry is the definition on the NAS website makes me incandescent with rage. I too am Autistic. The NAS does not represent me or my daughter. The challenges which Autistic poeple face are not what we are but how we are misunderstood. For the NAS to insist on perpetuating these myths makes you part of the problem. I can only presume your definition of Autism was written and approved by a bunch of, perhaps well-meaning, poeple who suffer from Autism Deficiency Syndrome and who lack the flexibility of thought that Autism gives us and we, in turn, have given the world the technology which I am using to write this.
One of the accusations that was levelled at me as a child was that "you don't TRY!!"". (Although I've come from that thread this fits here better I feel)
Although I believed it at the time (why would he be literally screaming it in my face if it were not true?) I reacted in my usual way by trying harder to fix the issue...
That I was unable no matter how hard I tried to "make the grade" feels as much of a disability socially as having legs that do not work would be physically.
I can achieve very little when left completely to my own devices, I have found to my great disappointment, YET when a bit of external structure is added either at a personal level or even as part of a team I can be very useful indeed, yet my natural way of being is to seek isolation.
How much of the conflicts and paradoxes that seem endemic to my life is due to the Autism and how much is "poor character" I do not know but I am sure it's one or the other.
I cannot claim to be "reliable" having had an extended period of having myself as my own employee... That seems like a disability of some sort, and it does not seem to be entirely voluntary as it works against my own interests some times.
I've also found the Diagnosis itself although somewhat mentally "illuminating" tends to make me now see hard limitations that I did not see before, and that is "disabling" in a very fundamental sense I am finding. I am a lot more disinclined to attempt anything to an extent I've never experienced before, and if I could afford it I'd be seeking professional help with understanding, rather than struggling for insight unaided. (except by the few people I can semi rely on in the world)