Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I would really appreciate any advice you have. My partner has never been diagnosed formally with aspergers but when he visited the GP it seemed very likely he has traits of this. We have been together for 10 years and I love him dearly. We are due to marry next year but I am having doubts. I have done a lot of research regarding aspergers and I have been trying to find him employment support as he really struggles mixing with others and wants a work from home job. However, our relationship has been very stressful at times and he has got into a lot of debt (which he has now paid off) and I worry about getting married and trusting he will pay the bills and not get into debt again. He becomes very frustrated easily when I ask him how his day at work was and starts head banging and the other day he smashed up his phone when he tried to transfer money to me and he forgot his pin number on online banking. He is on the waiting list for a formal diagnosis but does anyone have suggestions on how I can support him or whether there are services that can help? As mentioned I love him very much but it is affecting me mentally and I also worry he will not find a job that suits him.
NAS79234 said:I love him very much but it is affecting me mentally and I also worry he will not find a job that suits him.
Cudos for taking the effort to look out for your partners needs by asking here. It can be frustrating being the partner of an autist but there are some good books on the subject that can help you navigate the relationship side (work stuff will be furthe down the post).
I would recommend the following:
22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger’s Syndrome - Rudy Simone (2009)ISBN 9781849058032Loving someone with Asperger's syndrome_ understanding & connecting with your partner - Ariel, Cindy N (2012)ISBN 9781608820771The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome - Maxine Aston (2013)ISBN 9781849054980
The work aspects for your partner - does he have problems where he doesn't understrant the socual interactions which leads to difficult situations or does he suffer from thinks like simply being around people (more phobia than confusion)? Is it the volume of sounds and sensory load from an office environment or the changes of routine required to commute?
These are all things which are known to cause issues for autists so it would help to understand the key stressers before offering advice around how best to deal with these.
The working from home option is a good option but can bring its own issues too and it is a type of role that is slipping back out of favour now the pandemic panic has passed.
As an aside, he may be able to ask his GP for a "right to choose" to get a private assessment for autism - this is an option they don't advertise as it costs them, but it can get an assessment much faster than normal.
Hello Iain, thank you for all your advice and these books look really helpful.
Regarding the work situation, he becomes overwhelmed if there are a lot of people and when he made a mistake he came home and had a meltdown banging his head continuously. He works in a factory and feels fine if he is left alone. He finds interacting with others difficult and worries what to say when saying hello or goodbye to people. He's extremely hardworking but if there is a change of tasks he feels very stressed.
Thank you for your advice regarding the GP, would this be a private assessment, one we would have to pay for?