Published on 12, July, 2020
This is the first time I’ve posted on here. I’m acting a bit impulsively as I’m really panicking. I’m 47, waiting for a psych U.K. assessment, reading up as much as I can on autism and I feel like my grip on my lived experience is slipping away. I’m questioning everything. I’m going over past experiences that I thought I understood and questioning my version, I’m wondering how much I’ve missed in social contexts and worrying how people perceive me. And I can’t begin to reframe what’s happening in my head without knowing if I am actually autistic. I haven’t spoken to my elderly parents about any of this and usually I talk to them about everything. I’m worried that they won’t believe me or that they might realise that they might be autistic too. I have a strong feeling they both are and I don’t want them to have to go through this unsettling experience. My adult son thinks that he is autistic too but doesn’t have an interest in getting assessed as he feels it doesn’t affect his life much. I think I’m feeling separate, isolated and lonely and just need to know that other people have felt like this.
Hello Magdalena
I’m also waiting for my assessment (I’m 30), and I too have also been feeling very lonely and overwhelmed during this period. I’ve been using my energy to research autism, as was recommended to me on this forum, and I’ve been allowing myself to indulge more in my current fixation to keep my mind happy too. Both have helped a lot.
I understand what you mean when you say “I can’t begin to reframe what’s happening in my head without knowing if I am actually autistic.” I feel like I will benefit from a definitive answer, and from there I can begin to understand my mind. Until our assessments come, I think it’s best to redirect the energy into other things.
Living in the present is a good start, if I feel my brain running away to the past or the future, I tend to find my cat and stroke her fur to bring me back to the now. I wonder if something sensory could help you too?
An alternative way of dealing with this is to go to the asergertestsite.com and do their test. then you'll know.
Whilst an official diagnosis is more credible, their test seems accurate enough when compared to the NHS one, I scored the same on both.
When you know, you know...
thank you I will check that out