Life changes since diagnosis/self-realisation/identification

I've been thinking about this quite a lot recently. Unfortunately I think I may have lost hope and become more resigned to my situation since the diagnosis. As I look back on my life and re-process many events, I think my current situation was unavoidable and predestined. But if I'd been identified as a child perhaps life could have been so much better.  All which just makes me sad.

That said, I have recently (typically for me) started building a spreadsheet that details all the things I need to do to sort myself out. I need to change a lot of things, many small but some quite radical. Fingers crossed I can follow through in the coming months. I know I won't do it all, but even a fraction of it could make a real difference for me.

I have learned a few things in the months since my diagnosis though.

I was quite anxious a lot of the time, particularly at work and in social settings, but simply didn't realise it. One of the giveaways was my watch giving me high heart rate alerts but it was really down to my therapist making me more aware of what my body was telling me.  Anyway, I have learned some incredibly useful tools: wearing loop earplugs when in these situations seems to dampen the anxiety right down and no more heart rate alerts, but I can still hear what's going on.  Another thing I've started doing is stimming with therapy putty or handrollers when I'm in a long meeting or some other thing I can't escape from but need to focus. That has helped immensely. 

I'd forgotten I'd made this thread!

I can't even remember how OOS inspired me - they probably just told me to do it and I obeyed.

Amerantin said:

That said, I have recently (typically for me) started building a spreadsheet that details all the things I need to do to sort myself out. I need to change a lot of things, many small but some quite radical. Fingers crossed I can follow through in the coming months.

I hope this involves leaving your spreadsheet behind, leaving your house and meeting people!

Well done.

This is a really positive step.

I do lists - I'm not so good at spreadsheets.

Lists of lists of lists.

Amerantin said:

wearing loop earplugs when in these situations seems to dampen the anxiety right down and no more heart rate alerts,

That's great.

They don't make any difference to me but when I had my ears examined a while ago I was told I have very large ear holes!

LOL.

So I'm not just a freak with my big eyes, I have big ear holes too.

I probably ought to use something like the putty because I just pick and eat my fingers and they are always bleeding.

It's hard to change habits, but you are clearly working on it.

ps.  You must have a posh watch - mine just tells the time.

Debbie said:

I probably ought to use something like the putty because I just pick and eat my fingers and they are always bleeding.

Me too

I have done this since forever, I also chew the inside of my cheek (right side only). Is this really a stim? 

Thanks for replying Debbie

Ive just realised how long ago these posts were!

Thanks for replying Debbie

Ive just realised how long ago these posts were!