Published on 12, July, 2020
I hate having ASD. I’ve found no positives with it at all. No matter how hard I try to move forward it feels like ASD, me, knocks me back several steps when I try to go forward by one. Nobody likes me. I’ve tried being myself. I’ve tried masking, I’m not good at masking and I guess that must show. I make people uncomfortable. Half the time it feels like my family don’t like me much, I try to be a nice person, kind, supportive. And yet here I am at 27 single, no friends and just here existing on the journey of life. I tried working, again. Disaster, again. I always start off OK but eventually it’s like everything catches up with me, I get tired, and I mean very tired. Fatigue like nothing I’ve had before. Muscles hurt. Nausea, dizziness, mouth ulcers... WTF? I go to the GP, tests are ran... I’m fine. Seriously right now?? How am I fine lol I feel like sh*t 98% of the time. Guess it’s just an ASD thing. I get pretty bad anxiety so that’s probably it as well, so my GP says anyway, OK fair enough but like they can’t offer any advice on how best to tackle it. It’s a lonely world having ASD. I’m 27 and this is my LIFE, possibly for another year, maybe 50+ more years... right now it’s OK, I have my parents, my sister and brothers but one day they won’t be here anymore and then it’s me. What then? I can’t work, OK I can, but until my body ceases up and that’s bad, very bad it costs me every job I’ve had so far... when I was 13 I dreamt by now I would be working, have kids, be married, be driving... I’ve not got any of that. I’ve never come close to any of it, people hate me and I mean HATE. Even my brothers and sister don’t like me. My parents do, I’m lucky from that side of things but everyone else really dislikes me. My sister said I sponge off our parents, not true, I’m trying to work I have given it my all but my sister accuses me of faking illness so I stay home... not true... I am trying my hardest to overcome the ASD hurdles but not had any success so far. Guess I feel a little lost now, that’s why I thought I would join this site see if anyone can help me overcome all this because right now I have no idea what to do to get over this.
I wonder if maybe you have some sort of fatigue syndrome or maybe a lack of a particular vitamin/mineral. It could be worth asking your GP about that?
Maybe you should also consider seeing someone about your mental health because it looks like you're in a bit of a bad place atm.
I have a psychologist who helps me and she is really good. I've been a lot worse than this and I feel like I'm starting to come out the other side now. I take baby steps at my own speed and hope that it will take me to better.