Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, everybody. I'll try to get to the point without blabbering on.
I have not been formally diagnosed, but it's obvious. I'm a woman in my 50s and although I'm not particularly interested in social interaction, I *am* tired of being "the only one who_____" all the time. Anyone relate?
Like I said, I don't need to be *around* other people like me. It would just be nice to know that there are some people like me, somewhere. It's hard not seeing oneself reflected in any way in the larger community. Does any of this sound like any of you? I'm not looking for personal messages or anything. Just a "yeah, me too" would be enough.
Thanks
it sounds like me as you will never see me in ladys shoes either lol
as for social interaction, im mixed on it... alone i get depressed and lonely and feel i want social interaction that others have, i feel left out. but when i get social interaction its too hard and then i think sod it and i wanna be alone. so its catch 22, both ways is a downside.
i usually wear the same thing, and any extra clothes are the same anyway, usually outdoors clothes that can take you wearing them none stop that are odor proof and quick drying.
i dont really go anywhere aside work and shops. but when i walk through town and hear everyone having fun at the busy bars it makes me feel a bit happier i suppose. likely the social interaction i probably need as a human that i dont get.
and yeah i own a tv, and a games console... thats a must have these days so that maybe a generational thing. life without gaming is kinda depressing and pointless. although gaming can get depressing, likely when it gets faded out and boring and not much new to play then your left with facing depressing life as your escapism dims a bit between games.
as for dating i dunno i think id like to give it a chance but i know it will never happen. another thing i will be eternally missing out on. it may end up good it may end up bad, i dont know as i have never tried or been given chance.
i kinda want a cat in the future anyways, that maybe a improvement on my mood. cats are cute. just dont want it destroying my furniture lol
Hi, Caelus! Cats are great. I have old furniture that others were about to discard--and I do that specifically because animals do scratch or get hair--so I have no worries about that lol. But they are fabulous company and so fun to watch and play with. Highly recommended!
I can see how gaming would be a great way to escape, yet also depressing at a point. I am not in a generation that does gaming, although I once dated a younger person who was a gamer and I tried really, really hard to like it. I just couldn't get into it, which is ok. I can see it filling a void for those who like it. I have nothing bad to say about it...just personal preference. It's cool if people love it.
When it's time to go to Target or whatever, that's my big outing and sometimes I feel really bad about myself when I realize that my little store run is the "social" highlight of my day or even week. I don't even see anyone or talk to anyone there, and I may just be picking up a few boring groceries. But it can be this big pick me up, which often makes me feel worse. Like...no one does that. Most people get together with other people on purpose somewhere fun for that. Here I am alone at Target thinking this is fun. I know that's not "normal" and just knowing that is tough.
Even if I wanted to get together with people, I don't know how people do that. My house is not comfortable for others (no comfy furniture...like one chair), no TV, it's old, the floor is half ripped up because I started replacing it and haven't had a chance to fix it yet. I invited people here a few times in the past, and it was so weird. I had to get folding chairs, and I put them in a circle in my living room, turned on some peaceful music...everyone just sat there trying to be nice. l have no idea how to "have people over." And I'm in my 50s, not just starting out in life.
If I wanted to have one person over (I don't), it would be weird to suddenly ask someone if they wanted to come over. And where I live, people like me in some ways eventually move away; people are politically very much one way and others are not welcome. So my pool of potential like-minded people is very small. And as soon as you get to know them, they make the announcement that they're moving.
That happens all the time here and more times with people who were actual friends than I can count. So I don't bother anymore. In fact, there will be people who I think I should get to know and really consider asking them to do something. And then inevitably they move and I end up thinking it was a *good* thing that I didn't get to know them.
And go to people's houses? Whose? I don't drink, so I'm not invited to people's get togethers. (Those are rhetorical questions.)
It's a weird existence.
Thanks so much for your response. Good luck if you get a kitty.
Groovy.....I'm glad this place is panning out for you.
For what it's worth, I don't really think there is value in pursing a "formal" diagnosis for myself. It turns out that my bizarre and unusual life has already been unknowingly crafted to accommodate my autistic sensibilities. Moreover, I strongly suspect that my second-nature masking default would make the job of saying YES or NO to whether I am autistic, a bit of a coin toss! I don't feel the need at this point.....I know there are people I feel comfortable and engaged with.....and they are here. These people, and the chats we enjoy together are making my life happier and more fulfilled....and to some extent, easier.
Brit's ain't so bad, eh gov'ner !
Pleased to have you here.
And that sounded like a goodbye, which it isn't, lol, because I plan to stick around in this forum. I really like it here.
Number, that makes me feel much better. Thank you for the validation. It's weird thinking both that it's totally ok to be like I am AND there's something really wrong with being like I am.
I have made much progress in seeing that preferring to socialize once per year at most is just as "normal" as someone who likes to be social daily, weekly, etc. It's normal--to me. And everyone has their own "normal." People are starting to make room in their minds for neurodiversity, so I can, too. Normal doesn't mean just one thing anymore.
For my job I'm constantly around people and I have to be very sunny and upbeat. I don't mind the sunny upbeat stuff because I am pretty happy in general, especially with my work. I love what I do. But it's so hard for people to understand that other than that, I don't want any more "people time, " no offense to anyone.
I just called around to find out about screening in my town and found out that the one private place that does is booked a year out for adult autism screening and that it costs well over $1000, closer to $4000.
I called my insurance and it would not kick in payment until after my $1500 deductible, and that's only if I go through their process of booking with my general practitioner who would then have to refer me to their psych services. They are booked into next year and cancellations to make room for people in crisis is very common. Apparently the average wait is 2 years. And the cost, with insurance, would be a minimum of $1500 and usually closer to $3000.
One very nice person I spoke to (who said he is a licensed counselor) said that of course I need to do what I feel I need to do. But if it's just for peace of mind and I don't want/need other services, I should know that it will be a long, long wait and very expensive just to know what I already think I know.
He asked me a bunch of questions about me and how I experience life and asked if I'd like to know his quick opinion based on our phone call--nothing official. I didn't realize he was secretly screening me with his questions lol, so I was unbiased and honest in my responses.
I said yes, I'd like to know, and he told me that he feels certain that an evaluation would yield an autism diagnosis.
So he said if it's just for my personal quest and if I don't want additional services or to be listed as having a disability with the state, I could just take his opinion for what it's worth (he was clear that he wasn't officially diagnosing, but predicting the likely outcome) and carry on however I'd like.
But if I really want that official diagnosis, he gave me some phone numbers. I did call around and that's when I learned about years-long wait lists and thousands of dollars--and that very few people do that if they aren't needing some kind of disability support because that's why people generally pursue such a long and expensive process.
So I will just carry on and make it "official" within myself.
This group has been invaluable. Thank you!
Maria (formerly NAS88629) said:my little store run is the "social" highlight of my day or even week. I don't even see anyone or talk to anyone there
AND
Maria (formerly NAS88629) said:Like...no one does that
.....for prolonged periods of my life, within the last couple of decades, what you have written has been my reality.....and frankly, I see nothing wrong with it ! Just being able to be out and around other humans is the only "chore" that we should ever face in my opinion.
You are so not alone.