Published on 12, July, 2020
Yesterday I had a meeting in which my manager called me ‘unapproachable’ and said that I ‘should smile more’.
My job is not customer facing and I work primarily on a computer with little to no need to collaborate with colleagues as a part of my job.
I have already told my manager that I’m Autistic, and I also suffer with PMDD. They are well aware that this can make it difficult for me to communicate with others.
I have applied for reasonable adjustments but they are digging their heels in at every corner.
I’m not really sure what I can do, but I feel like this is harassment or discrimination? And I don’t feel that calling me unapproachable is very appropriate? Any advice? Should I take it further?
I'm not sure if a single incident would rise to the level of harassment or discrimination but I would definitely make a record of it because it almost certainly WOULD rise to that level if it keeps happening.
Asking women to smile more is a classic bit of sexism and as autistic women we have to hear it even more because we're even less likely to meet the societal expectations of 'how a woman should be'.
Combined with the unwillingness to make reasonable accommodations for you, especially given that you have PMDD, I would say that there's an ableism/sexism combo going on and that you need to watch out for other times when this is happening. If you're in a union you could raise it with them, or if not then ACAS (acas.org.uk) may have some useful advice.
Batty, I was told many times to "just smile more" and I am a man.
Yes, I'm not saying it never happens to men at all- I imagine autistic men probably get it more than other people do too. But it's a very common experience for both ND and NT women to get told to 'smile more', 'cheer up' etc just for having a neutral expression because people expect women to be friendly and chatty all the time- that's where the sexism comes in, with the higher frequency and the different social expectations.