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Harassment or Discrimination at work

miaxx

Yesterday I had a meeting in which my manager called me ‘unapproachable’ and said that I ‘should smile more’.

My job is not customer facing and I work primarily on a computer with little to no need to collaborate with colleagues as a part of my job.

I have already told my manager that I’m Autistic, and I also suffer with PMDD. They are well aware that this can make it difficult for me to communicate with others.

I have applied for reasonable adjustments but they are digging their heels in at every corner.

I’m not really sure what I can do, but I feel like this is harassment or discrimination? And I don’t feel that calling me unapproachable is very appropriate? Any advice? Should I take it further?

  • in reply to NAS86592

    I work for MOJ and we have a specific workplace adjustments team. They’re brilliant and will fight for me. I have a caseworker assigned to me at the moment so I will be meeting with her again soon

  • in reply to miaxx

    A wriiten request for your needs including a written request for a reply will either:

    1.shut them up and get them to positively respond to your written request

    2.put you on a strong footing armed with their written reply to take this matter further if necessary. 

    3. shut them up and let you carry on with your work

    4. when you was first hired that was with "warts and all".  Hopefully, you didn't hold back any "surprises" that may affect your productivity.

  • in reply to miaxx

    Definitely keep a note of the times they do this, it sounds like there's a pattern of behaviour here and that's not great.

  • in reply to NAS86592

    That's brilliant advice. Thank you. This is my issue with the whole thing, my productivity is good (mainly because I'm constantly masking so manage to keep up with work but struggle in my personal and social life because of this) but they only seem to care about whether I'm friendly or chatty enough. I will never understand it.

    I've asked for workplace adjustments which will increase my productivity but they seem very reluctant to give them. I am just asking for simple hybrid working and a few other things such as noise cancelling headphones!

  • in reply to battybats

    Sorry, I forgot to mention that this happens every single review meeting i have! So about 3 times now I've been told this 

  • in reply to battybats

    Telling someone to smile more is not helpful. I have had experiences of this in the past. Your sexist comment is interesting as my autistic son doesn't smile very much and neither did my father who I believe was autistic. I wonder if the same would be said to a man.

  • I'm in a coffee pot tea kettle dilemma and feel as though I should be the very last person to give advice in this regard.  I've been a square pin trying to fit in all my life. If your manager is satisfied with your productivity it is difficult to justify the validity of his comment with your job as you decsribe it. I've never held an office job, but have heard about the sort of office politics involved. People work to earn not to make friendship a primary focal point. To be considered unapproachable doesn't necessarily imply being unfriendly.

    I would have asked the question "Is my performance to your satisfaction" If the response is yes then I would add " As an autistic my work is my focal point. If you are unable to make adjustments for me as an autistic with my socially interactive limitations, I will need to put this request in writing with the expectation of a written reply"

  • I'm not sure if a single incident would rise to the level of harassment or discrimination but I would definitely make a record of it because it almost certainly WOULD rise to that level if it keeps happening.

    Asking women to smile more is a classic bit of sexism and as autistic women we have to hear it even more because we're even less likely to meet the societal expectations of 'how a woman should be'.

    Combined with the unwillingness to make reasonable accommodations for you, especially given that you have PMDD, I would say that there's an ableism/sexism combo going on and that you need to watch out for other times when this is happening. If you're in a union you could raise it with them, or if not then ACAS (acas.org.uk) may have some useful advice.