Harassment or Discrimination at work

ok, that's a good start. I am not familiar with OCD and PMDD but it should be enough. Start the procedure about getting an official ASD diagnosis with PsychiatryUK under the  "right to choose" scheme, it will take about 4 months. In the meantime, write a long, detailed mail to the HR. Be diplomatic, but firm and insist about how a mental disability is still a disability recognized by the law. If they take you seriously, ok. If not, think about starting a discrimination lawsuit with a good lawyer. Make sure that any interaction between you and the company is recorded. 
In my experience, that will be an open and shut case, and you will end up winning big. It's up to you to decide whether to endure the stress of the trial or not. I think that they hope that you will just leave and try to forget about it.

In my case, the occupational health therapist advised working from home and the HR caved in. Now I work fully from home and have absolutely nothing to complain about (apart from the low pay, but that's a common problem in my company. I need a better job)

I work for MOJ and we have a specific workplace adjustments team. They’re brilliant and will fight for me. I have a caseworker assigned to me at the moment so I will be meeting with her again soon

So, I don’t have an official diagnosis. Only because when I went to my assessment on the NHS they said ‘you have all the traits of being autistic but we won’t diagnose you as you’re able to work and we don’t think it would be any help to you’ (helpful, thank you NHS). 

I’m currently using my OCD and PMDD diagnosis to get my reasonable adjustments, even though I don’t have to be diagnosed officially as being autistic to have adjustments. 

I have been to occupational health who also said I would benefit from working from home, amongst other things. I have an official letter from them stating I struggle with X,Y,Z and it would all be helped by WFH. 

I do need to find my contract, actually. I’m sure it probably says I need to be able to communicate but being approachable and smiley absolutely is not on there.

I definitely fear that this is an issue. I’m known for being teary and emotional, generally when I feel injustice is happening in the workplace, so maybe they’re just trying to push me to breaking point so I leave.

worst part is, I’m a civil servant. You’d think they would want to abide by the law! But then in this country that’s doubtful…

A wriiten request for your needs including a written request for a reply will either:

1.shut them up and get them to positively respond to your written request

2.put you on a strong footing armed with their written reply to take this matter further if necessary. 

3. shut them up and let you carry on with your work

4. when you was first hired that was with "warts and all".  Hopefully, you didn't hold back any "surprises" that may affect your productivity.

Definitely keep a note of the times they do this, it sounds like there's a pattern of behaviour here and that's not great.

Yes, I'm not saying it never happens to men at all- I imagine autistic men probably get it more than other people do too. But it's a very common experience for both ND and NT women to get told to 'smile more', 'cheer up' etc just for having a neutral expression because people expect women to be friendly and chatty all the time- that's where the sexism comes in, with the higher frequency and the different social expectations.

That's brilliant advice. Thank you. This is my issue with the whole thing, my productivity is good (mainly because I'm constantly masking so manage to keep up with work but struggle in my personal and social life because of this) but they only seem to care about whether I'm friendly or chatty enough. I will never understand it.

I've asked for workplace adjustments which will increase my productivity but they seem very reluctant to give them. I am just asking for simple hybrid working and a few other things such as noise cancelling headphones!

In my opinion, they are just trying to stress you out. They want you to have a meltdown, make some stupid mistake or just walk out so they won't be liable for firing you. 

Sorry, I forgot to mention that this happens every single review meeting i have! So about 3 times now I've been told this 

Batty, I was told many times to "just smile more" and I am a man. 

OK, it's time to be ready to fight. I guess that you are from UK.

First, do you have any official diagnosis? If not, get one. If yes, get a letter from the provider. Send it to the HR and have it put in your personal folder. Explain to the HR that asking you to "smile more" and "be more approachable" is like going to somebody with missing legs and telling them to stand and dance. Ask for a meeting with an occupational therapist and explain your difficulties to them, using your official letter as proof.

At this point, you are set up. Any pressure from your manager or anybody else can be used for a big discrimination lawsuit that you will surely win. Believe me, the HR does not want that and will bend backwards to accommodate you.

In the meantime, make sure you meet all your KPI. Take a good look at your job contract and job description, make sure that they have no grounds to let you go. Unless your job description says "the employer is required to smile, joke and socialize", your manager is not allowed you to tell you anything.


I am more or less in the same situation as you. My advice is to soldier on, and look for a more ASD friendly workplace (good luck haha). In the meantime, forget about being promoted.

Telling someone to smile more is not helpful. I have had experiences of this in the past. Your sexist comment is interesting as my autistic son doesn't smile very much and neither did my father who I believe was autistic. I wonder if the same would be said to a man.

I'm in a coffee pot tea kettle dilemma and feel as though I should be the very last person to give advice in this regard.  I've been a square pin trying to fit in all my life. If your manager is satisfied with your productivity it is difficult to justify the validity of his comment with your job as you decsribe it. I've never held an office job, but have heard about the sort of office politics involved. People work to earn not to make friendship a primary focal point. To be considered unapproachable doesn't necessarily imply being unfriendly.

I would have asked the question "Is my performance to your satisfaction" If the response is yes then I would add " As an autistic my work is my focal point. If you are unable to make adjustments for me as an autistic with my socially interactive limitations, I will need to put this request in writing with the expectation of a written reply"

I'm not sure if a single incident would rise to the level of harassment or discrimination but I would definitely make a record of it because it almost certainly WOULD rise to that level if it keeps happening.

Asking women to smile more is a classic bit of sexism and as autistic women we have to hear it even more because we're even less likely to meet the societal expectations of 'how a woman should be'.

Combined with the unwillingness to make reasonable accommodations for you, especially given that you have PMDD, I would say that there's an ableism/sexism combo going on and that you need to watch out for other times when this is happening. If you're in a union you could raise it with them, or if not then ACAS (acas.org.uk) may have some useful advice.