Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, my partner has some autistic traits and my difficulty relating to this is causing issues in our relationship and I’m wondering if it’s helpful to try to get him to see a specialist about ASD or not. He’s intelligent, charismatic, likes people, and he’s trying to work with me and a therapist to fix some of our issues, but I often feel like he can’t understand my emotions, like I’m only important to him on an intellectual level and sometimes (two or three times a week) I feel like I’m completely alone in his presence - which makes me feel strangely empty inside. We’ve been together 6 years and he never wants to talk about our future and calls me anxious when I bring up anything about it.
We’re at a point where we need to make a decision about our relationship - we’re mid-30s. I feel like despite being a strong person with strong feminist values, I’m being forced into a stereotyped version of a victimised, self-doubting, confused woman.
If anyone has similar experience and can offer advice, please do.
Hi, I am an autistic woman with a husband who is non-autistic but very introverted. We have been married for hundreds of years (feels like). Obviously, your husband could be on the autistic spectrum and a diagnosis would probably help him to understand himself and his relationship with you a bit more. Autism would have been noticeable in childhood, so talk to him about how he felt as a child and teenager, about himself, other people and the world around. How did he interact, what was he frightened of, how did he find the transition to secondary school etc. On the other hand, what you have described in your relationship may be the result of something else - stress, needing time out, a lack of togetherness which might heal with counselling. Also - and I am aware this sounds rude so I am sorry - but have you considered that your expectations surrounding long-term relationships might be a little on the high side?
Thank you for this advice. Good question about high expectations! Maybe, but I don't think that accounts for everything.