Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, my partner has some autistic traits and my difficulty relating to this is causing issues in our relationship and I’m wondering if it’s helpful to try to get him to see a specialist about ASD or not. He’s intelligent, charismatic, likes people, and he’s trying to work with me and a therapist to fix some of our issues, but I often feel like he can’t understand my emotions, like I’m only important to him on an intellectual level and sometimes (two or three times a week) I feel like I’m completely alone in his presence - which makes me feel strangely empty inside. We’ve been together 6 years and he never wants to talk about our future and calls me anxious when I bring up anything about it.
We’re at a point where we need to make a decision about our relationship - we’re mid-30s. I feel like despite being a strong person with strong feminist values, I’m being forced into a stereotyped version of a victimised, self-doubting, confused woman.
If anyone has similar experience and can offer advice, please do.
I can see why you think he may have ASD, and you could be right. He may also have ADHD and alexithymia, this means he has no idea what his own emotions are. The ADHD side will mean he can cope with people although inside he might have massive anxiety. Talking for myself does he have any of these traits...
plans things massivley
hates sudden changes of plan, my wife throws me by simply asking me to stop at the shop on the way home
talks to you in what you feel is an insulting and uncaring way
has any interests that they are obsessed about that he will put over you
That was just a few thoughts, those of us with ASD are all diffrent and there is no one size fits all thing. I would add that if he does go to his GP and they put him forward for a diagnosis that could take mnay years and there will be no help from the NHS.
good luck
Rob
Thanks Rob. Some of those traits are there, yes. I only found out about alexithymia recently and it's clarified a lot for me.