Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, my partner has some autistic traits and my difficulty relating to this is causing issues in our relationship and I’m wondering if it’s helpful to try to get him to see a specialist about ASD or not. He’s intelligent, charismatic, likes people, and he’s trying to work with me and a therapist to fix some of our issues, but I often feel like he can’t understand my emotions, like I’m only important to him on an intellectual level and sometimes (two or three times a week) I feel like I’m completely alone in his presence - which makes me feel strangely empty inside. We’ve been together 6 years and he never wants to talk about our future and calls me anxious when I bring up anything about it.
We’re at a point where we need to make a decision about our relationship - we’re mid-30s. I feel like despite being a strong person with strong feminist values, I’m being forced into a stereotyped version of a victimised, self-doubting, confused woman.
If anyone has similar experience and can offer advice, please do.
I am a diagnosed autistic woman with a neurotypical partner. I can only speak for myself and my own experiences.
The kind of conversations you describe I have found incredibly difficult over the years for two reasons 1. The stress of everyday life had built up over the years to the point where having to discuss any of "the big stuff" would tip me over the edge because my brain was FULL. 2. Now things have calmed down I can't face any more change - I like the current stability after a lifetime of trying to keep up with what everyone else wants - and the thought of having to discuss big stuff makes me feel stressed.
I'm offering these perspectives as it's something you may consider for your partner's behaviour.
Thank you - it's so helpful to understand this perspective.